How do you handle stress?

When I was in gr. 5, I bought a stressball while on holiday. Or my parents bought one for me, since I contributed nothing financially to civilization at that age. This was way before slime was a thing, so it was 2 layers of some sort of thick latex, the inner layer blue and the outer layer yellow. It was filled with flour. How did I know it was filled with flour? Patience my dear reader… (But I can imagine you know where this is going)

So of course I took it to school to help me deal with all the different levels of stress an 11 year old can have. I want to preface this by saying that I had zero stress, just in case anyone reading this might have feel pity for 11year old me. Maybe not zero, because homework and tests and friends and winter. But for the most part life as an 11year old was bliss.

Until one day my stressball disappeared for a couple of hours. Went on a bit of a secret adventure. And upon its return  – had a pencil sized hole in it, where smooth cake flour shot out when you pressed it to relief your 11 year old stress. So no ball and no stress, no more.

How do we handle stress in our lives as adults?

My normal way of handling stressful situations is to simply deal with it in the moment, but then overthink it at 1 o’clock in the morning. I’m not an avoidant – we deal with stuff. But up until recently, stress would always come and go. It was never a constant. So a couple of sleepless nights every now and then was no big deal. They were far and few. And I had ways of relaxing. A warm bath, a glass of wine or beer, music, yoga, walking and daydreaming. Playing with my hair in meetings…

However, I have learned more about the nervous system in the last year than what I’ve ever cared about previously. Because if I tell you that my nervous system was in overdrive for a year now  – I’m not over exaggerating. As soon as I’ve regulated myself with one thing, something else popped up. And my normal go to relaxation now wasn’t sufficient enough.  But even if my self soothing ways did help or was appropriate – the things that affected my nervous system was at work and home and really liked surprises. I had little escape.

Best way to describe some weeks were trying to jump on a jumping castle that’s losing air, while overexplaining yourself and gravity loving toddlers grabbing onto your feet; a wet cat flying into your head continuously; and a ‘rent a critique’ screaming at you that you’re annoying. Sometimes you’d get defensive, other days argumentative, some quiet and on your most vulnerable of days the critique and wet cat would work extra hard and bring in a kicking boot.

So my nervous system could be triggered by an exhale. And I know of many other people that knows exactly what I’m talking about.
If your nervous system right now is made of steel – my apologies – no need to read about wet cats. If however you can relate to some level – let’s talk… 😉

Because when your nervous system is a bit damaged, there are some side effects. It can be so many things. A loss of independence, flooring insecurities, highly emotional, scared of being alone, short tempered and sometimes a numbness. But none of this need to be permanent.

We continue to set daily goals. Small and reachable goals.  Because accomplishing goals is soothing to your nervous system. Surround yourself with people that love and care for you. And gently encourage you out of your rut. Find small joys and be still with them. Get out of your head. Thoughts that scare you – don’t entertain them for even a second. Pray and wait for discernment. Now is not the time to be too hard on yourself. Don’t put up with those that are hard on you when you are here. People kicking you when you’re down or rewriting history has no business playing in your sandpit.

So, we’ve come a long way from soothing our nervous systems with floury stressballs. And we know there will be challenges in life. Some challenges will come in low tides, others during high tide. But even if there are times where we might feel we are drowning – if we let go of the rocks holding us down – we’ll be able to float until we’ve got enough strength to start swimming again. And you will start swimming again. Allow for our nervous systems to regulate.

This is still a marathon we’re living and slowly learning to regulate again is another skill gained. Thankful for the simplest of things and we make progress every day.

Have a lovely week friends!