As we are starting to wrap up March and women world-wide celebrating their womanhood, I am also reflecting on 4years in the north and a surprising (yet satisfying) career. Now, I know that most of us are endlessly tired of the whole woman in society debacle, but I want to have some last bit of fun with it.

Last week, I asked a couple of women to briefly comment on their own experiences inside and outside their working environments. I want to emphasize that these are all very different environments and the people that I asked this question of, is all what I regard as hard workers in their different fields. And I picked up on a couple of interesting points. The challenges experienced, is all pretty universal. We all want to be taken seriously, appreciated for our efforts, evaluated for our abilities and not wanting to constantly explain ourselves. It seems pretty simple enough – yet – why is it not always as simple?

We all have biases ingrained in us. The way we were raised, our experiences and our personal preferences influence this. But we approach people with our own level of understanding. And stereotypes are a real thing. So as women – the issues and hardships that we experience in the workplace – is it because of our gender – or is it because everyone comes to work already loaded with their own baggage?

I was once in a meeting where I discussed some issues and pointed out some challenges on a specific topic in my own area of responsibility. A gentleman service provider who I have never spoken to before or seen, then proceeded to explain my subject to me by repeating back exactly what I said. It irked me. It was weird and unnecessary. Now, years later I understand that this gentleman had some issues with trying to be perceived in a specific way. That he also wanted to be taken seriously, but might not have held the substance on his own to maintain that view. Fake it, until you make it. 

The assumption of women and how they should behave has a lot to do with where people come from. I am 100% sure that there is not a single man in my family that think women should be quiet and not share their opinions. I’m sure they would like that – but that is not the world where they come from. Although – there is a time for everything.

Our expectation from different people and their role can be a bit boxed in. We are not always aware of what goes on beyond what we see.

I also asked the question on what benefits there are with being a woman inside and outside of work. This to me was very interesting, because it seems that the challenges seemed a bit more than the benefits, or the focus was more on the challenges. Except – I don’t believe that it’s entirely true. No once, when I have asked for help – have someone not assisted me. Sure – it’s annoying when you don’t ask for help and people want to take over, but when I needed help and asked for it – I got it. And it’s not like I am incapable of interfering, myself.

 I am quite skilful in the art of changing a tyre (for reasons that I won’t go into too much detail, other than remembering a black Hyundai Getz with chrome rims). But, when stuck on the side of the road or at work – there was always someone to offer help.

When my approach is respectful – I mostly get that same response back. When I don’t poke – I don’t get a fight. Now – this does not take away from the fact that there will always be people that will deliberately misunderstand you or have biases that is fundamentally different to your own. Sometimes people are stuck in their own ways and project that outwards. But to deny that there are no benefits is just nor entirely true. We also get to go into the deeper and more meaningful conversations, because we can be more in tune with our sensitive and emotional sides.

My third question was the most fascinating of all. Almost a trick question. What is it that you think makes you unique? We are all told on a regular basis that we are in fact unique. But what does it actually mean to us on a personal level? I don’t think quoting from the dictionary gives anyone clarity on their own uniqueness. So, the responses I got on that, was either no response at all; or some uncertainty. In life there will always be people smarter than you, prettier than you, funnier than you. That is of course – when you compare yourself to others.

So, in this search for uniqueness, I have to give credit to mamma Moolman. Because her unassuming response was something just absolutely satisfying. She said what makes her unique is simply that she is content with who and what she is. That her happiness is not dependent on other people. To be content and have a stable joy despite your circumstances is invaluable.

Sometimes we think in order for us to be unique – we need to be more special than someone else. Different. We need to stand out. And we simply miss the point that if we live who we are and strive to be the best versions of ourselves – we by default are glowing with uniqueness.

So, as I close this chapter on women’s topics – I wondered where my own place is.

Maybe if we, as women want to be taken seriously – we can start by taking other women seriously. Men as well. (No, Jan – still not you). Or understand that insecurities of men reflect differently. Maybe we can appreciate some of the advantages we have. And maybe we think a bit too much and focus on our feelings a bit too much. Not to take away from the challenges, but what if we approached the challenges with joy and determination.

Our place – moves with the tides of life and the daily challenges. Sometimes our place is to be observant and sometimes to be more vocal. Sometimes to help without any expectations, other times to accept that help. Today you might need support from others – tomorrow someone might need you to give it without being begged. My place can even be in the kitchen – because that’s where the ice-cream and beer is kept. But also the poison and knifes. 😊

But maybe, just maybe, our place is just comfortably in our own skins and to do the best with each day according to our own abilities.

Have a lovely skin-tight week!