I was late to work this morning. Not late, late – I still clocked in at exactly 05:30 (which is well ahead of my 07:00 WSR), but it was 20 minutes later than what I prefer. The reason? I simply couldn’t decide what to wear today.

Sounds frivolous, I know. But on Mondays to Wednesdays, I have a strict – formal attire rule (It’s my own rule, not enforced). But today is the coldest day that it has ever been in my area (since I lived here). And I was conflicted. Do I wear a very comfortable, but almost sloppy thick jersey, or do I stick to wearing formal blue with the possibility of getting cold? I finally went for the second option. With extra layers. Because it’s still Tuesday.

Now, I know – this is of no interest to anyone, my formal wear or the weather (considering that the rest of you are used to much colder weather than I am), but I do want to make the point of: I was late for absolutely no good reason.

And I want to underscore this, by saying: I have little patience for people that are late; meetings that run late; meetings that start late. Respect for me already starts with respect for another persons’ time.

In many circumstances I have friends that tend to always be late – and for them I have the world’s respect, so I learned to work around that. But I have also on so many occasions been late for things myself. And yes – normally it’s a valid reason. It did make me think of our own Double Standards and something that has been tickling my brain for a couple of weeks now.

We think of Double Standards being something that is done to us, not necessarily something created by us. Which already is a doubling standard.

We give agency to others. They have the ability to act and make decisions, therefore they must take accountability. But, when it comes to us – we have valid reasons. We need leniency and understanding. For someone else – life is black or white. For us – the canvas are shades of grey on justifications.

We constantly create Double Standards within our own spheres. We want to share our honesty, but feel hurt when someone else are honest in return. We want other people to be emotionally available to us when we need it – but we shut down when we ‘just don’t have the capacity today’. We want instant forgiveness after we apologise, but need time and space when we are required to forgive.

We expect loyalty and patience when we behave improper, but are harsh with others’ shortcomings or struggles. We demand clear communication, but become passive aggressive when the conversation is not what we thought it would be. We judge other people’s mistakes, but for us it’s simply a ‘learning curve’. We want to be recognised for our good characteristics, but are slow to recognise good things in other people, when they have such obvious shortcomings.

We demand respect, but do not respect the ones we demand it from.

We all have Double Standards. And it’s so easy to recognise it in others, it severely bothered me to think that I am missing it in myself. Because from my own experience – Double Standards are truly just horrible.

So, I have a couple of options with the realisation that we have standards for ourselves and a set of standards for other people.

1. I can either ignore it and stay stuck in an unlearning curve of comfort and ignorance.
2. I can become overly harsh on myself, just as hard as I am on other people and just become a bitter person filled with anger, resentment and no compassion.
3. I can understand that sometimes we do have Double Standards, but knowing this allows me to be more patient and understanding.
4. Ensure that the deal-breakers in my life – is not something that I also tend to break in my relationships with others

Options 1 and 2 are silly – please don’t follow those. I just wanted to highlight the contrast.

It’s not the Double Standard, as much that is the problem. We will expect more understanding from others’ when it comes to our own issues, simply because we know more facts and see the bigger picture. When it comes to other people though – understand that until you have all the facts – your opinion is just an opinion; and might very well be wrong. So how harsh do you want that opinion to come across?

Again – we shouldn’t make excuses for bad behaviour. But sometimes a little bit of patience and understanding can make the world’s difference. In our rigidness of not accepting bad behaviour – how are we behaving in the process? When we set our boundaries to other people – are we respecting theirs?

For me it was a bit of a ‘stop-in-my-tracks’ realisation. I suppose it’s the harshness in others, that remind me that I too can be very harsh. And then it becomes tricky to expect leniency in return. When sometimes, that is exactly what you need.

The Double Standard is there. It’s real and it exist. Sometimes we are the ‘victim’ of it. Sometimes we are the ‘instigator’ of it. But I would much rather be the student from it.

Have a lovely – Single standard week, friends!😊