My dad used to say that everything in life worth having, is worth working for. Even if it’s your own happiness. 

It sounds weird, because as the daily activities of life comes and goes each day. We can so easily fall into monotonous actions. Wake up, go to work, drive the kids around, eat, sleep – the occasional weekend activity. The days pass slowly and simultaneously fast. And with the repetitive days passing, you sometimes have an urge for the impulsiveness. 

Maybe you’re in a job that you absolutely love and you wake up each morning excited to get to it. Or maybe for you, your job is just a means to support your family. Maybe you try each day to give your all where you are at. Or maybe you just survive one day after another until the next weekend or public holiday. 

So how do you actively find joy and happiness in the days where nothing exciting is happening? 

I suppose you can sit on your metaphorical rock and wait for everyone around you to do things that make you happy. You can probably avoid serious introspection and difficult conversation holding you accountable for your own choices. But I think (and I might be wrong here) – that you are probably going to wait on that metaphorical rock for a very long time if our expectation is perfect conditions around us. 

Over the weekend we had a conversation on success and humility. And the question came up – can you be successful when you are humble? 

And I think it all comes down to what your definition of success is, as well as your definition for humility. 

The best definition I’ve heard for humility is not that you think of yourself as a lesser human being, but simply – you think of yourself less. In other words – your ego, where you fit into society and how situations affect you is not constantly on your mind. We sometimes confuse confidence with arrogance; but we can also confuse humility with weakness; and generosity with selflessness. Arrogance is insecurity on a good day, but true confidence is not self-seeking or self-promoting. Humility is not being weak – we can never be truly humble if we do not have a level of confidence in who we are. And to be generous with a selfish intent – still does not make you selfless. Humility is absence of ego, not the absence of confidence. 

Which brings me back to success. Is our idea of someone successful a GM or a CEO from a big company? Is it a lawyer or a doctor or an engineer? Are we only successful when we have a high status or when we are admired? Most parents want to provide a life for their kids – better than the one they had. And in most cases the baseline is on a fiscal scale. Will the amount of R1000 shoes in your child’s cupboard influence their success, or will it be resilience? Is success the assignment you stayed up with all night doing for the child; or is it a sense of responsibility and accountability your child learns? Will it be the spikes or toks for your 9year old. Or rather the hours of effort placed into the fitness and skills? 

Now, I can’t speak for other people’s children, but I have fond memories of my own childhood. I remember camping and hiking and my dad explaining a country filled with history. I remember that I could take part in any activity of my choice. But I was not allowed to quit – just because I felt like it. I remember being woken up early to do spring cleaning with mom over the holidays. We had responsibilities at home, as well as when we went camping. I remember a house filled with laughter, love, routine AND discipline. I remember feeling safe. 

The fact that even when it feels like life’s ups and downs will drown you – and you still wake up and try again feels pretty successful to me. When you can learn from your mistakes and laugh at yourself; feels pretty successful to me. If there is a distinct progress in your life and an unbreakable resilience – pretty successful. When you lose everything – what will you have left?. When you lose everything of materialistic value – will what remains be able to be enough for you to start over and try again? 

We all have different ambitions and I don’t think sitting around, waiting for something good to happen to you, will bring you far. Sure, knowing the right people at the right time in all aspects of your life will be beneficial. But it only brings you so far. Once you’re in a specific position – you still have to earn respect and do the work to keep it. Getting upset because someone else has what you think you deserve is being the wrong brother in the story of the Prodigal son. 

So, what is your definition of success, humility and happiness? Your true definition. The one you only swing around in your own thoughts? 

On a cold winters morning and the hot water does not want to turn on, but it starts seeping through your ceiling – you won’t need a CEO or a GM. When you are without power for 6hours and it’s not loadshedding – still no need for a CEO or GM. I have been more excited to see a plumber or an electrician in times of need, than what I’ve been for a fancy dinner. It’s sometimes the simplest of things that can set you up for a good day. 

And through hard work, consideration, gratefulness, resilience, self-discipline, learning from mistakes, set achievable goals and helping others in the process – I suspect you will reach a nice level of success regardless. 

When the world is shaken around you and your family – what is it that you want them to truly hold onto?

 Have a lovely week friends!