If you are familiar with the corporate world, each company has some core values that they base their internal and external relations on. The wording can change, but there is a generalized summary that each one has: Integrity, Teamwork; Accountability; Innovation; Respect; Excellence; Passion. The idea is that all employees must align with these values. And looking at the generalised version – it makes sense. It’s basic values that technically speaking – everyone should have.

Someone I worked with once shared with me that he was called in and reprimanded for not living the shared values of the company. Sometimes it’s valid comments, but I think sometimes these conversations are politically inclined. Corporate deliberations and uniformity in agreeableness.

Last year, my manager (just before he left the company) told me to not ever lower my standards. It’s a nice compliment. He also had some stern comments on a society wanting validation for mediocre work, but I digress. I asked him how people with high standards cohesively work with people with lower standards? He laughed and said they must compromise. I responded with: when high standards are compromised – they no longer are high. With standards there cannot be a compromise, because that requires a middle way. And it’s very difficult to aim higher, if your norm is mediocrity. I regularly think about this still.

Thinking of values made me think about our own standards and values in all aspects of our lives. And I concluded, that there is a misalignment in shared values. And instead of feeling like I cannot fit into the shoe – the shoe provided seems to not fit the foot.

Have all of us not wanted to write a letter to people in our lives: Dear person of interest – your values currently don’t align with my own. Please abide by my company rules…?

Now – considering the fact that they just might respond with, well your values don’t align with mine – and then go into a vent session with all your shortcomings – it’s probably not the best of ideas.

I came to a harsh realisation a little while ago. My standard in everything has always been high. However, at some point I compromised on certain aspects. And then I reached a point where how I wanted to be perceived and how I looked at myself – no longer aligned with some decisions I took. Now, there will be valid excuses for everything. Isolation, loneliness, frustration, tiredness, not wanting to fight – I’m sure you have a jar filled with your own excuses. None of it mattered. If I wanted high standards and values – I had to live it myself. Now. Tomorrow. Every day.

I cannot emphasize this enough – when our words and actions don’t align – what we say stops to matter. If I keep on doing the same thing, despite using pretty words – it does not matter what I say. Behaviour speaks volumes. We can be the best person for some – but if our repeat behaviour to others is ill-inclined – it does not matter what we say. When we convince ourselves that we are good girls or boys, but our patterns tell a different story. It only creates a pit of endless disappointment, because reality does not align with our expectations. And faking it until we make it has an underlying whisper of ingenuity. People pick up on it.

So, what will my values be, that I need to establish and live by, and share with the people of interest in my life?

1. Accept the challenge. We are not promised a challenge-free life. We are promised to not go through it alone. Sometimes our challenges might seem overwhelming. Sometimes we might even make our lives more difficult ourselves. But all challenges have an expiry date. There will be fruits to be plucked at the end of each challenge. We get to decide whether it’s sweet or bitter. What we put in, is what we’ll get out. We will be accountable at some point in our lives.
2. De-Isolation – Isolation of people is never good. Only bad things come from it. We should all form part of a community. Isolation is not independence. People willing to leave you in isolation does not carry your best interest at heart. Because of this we need to make sure it’s the right community.
3. Safety of nerves – Some people will take your frayed nerves and cover it, or allow you to heal while being sensitive around it. Others will put gasoline on it and light it on fire. Brush it with steel-wool. Best not stick around those types, for too long at a time. We unfortunately can’t avoid it all.
4. Sensitive Honesty – always. Not when it suits you – even when it doesn’t. That includes all aspects of the truth. People can justify dishonesty under the mantle of trying to protect people, but I disagree. We only protect one person, when we play around with the truth. That being said – truth should never be used as a weapon to punish. Nor be changed to manipulate. 
5. Checked motives – how many other people are benefitting from the choices I make, or is it only me? How do I react against opposition? How do I respond when I get what I want and also; when I don’t get what I want? How many minutes a day do I ponder on working out a situation in my favour. How many times a day do I only have myself on my mind? Selfishness is a tightly woven nett.
6. Self-sacrifice – there are a handful of people I will do anything for, to make their lives easier. Not in a spoilt way, but in helping them in this chaotic life. I’m talking about the people that I am ridiculously loyal to. Even when I am annoyed – this person deserves my patience, my calmness, my love and respect. On occasion, even my guidance when the track is a bit odd shaped. Because I expect the same from them. These people have seen my worst sides and because of it – they deserve my best. And this is something I actively work towards daily.
7. Passion in all we do. I’m using this one a bit tongue in cheek, because some people’s passion is another person’s micro-management. Regardless, Life is a gift. We are the cause of our own misery. And the moment we are in the rut and the dumps and all those other underground holes – getting yourself out of it is nearly impossible without help. So why even get yourself in there in the first place? Get excited about the small things. Share in someone else’s joy; share your own joy.
8. Live with intention.  A line from Baz Luhrmann’s Wear Sunscreen: “Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts; don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.” That’s it. We carry our hearts to work, on the roads, at home – and not all hearts work the same. But it all deserve consideration. Be deliberate in how you start and finish tasks.
9. Positivity is a word lived. When it looks like everything is going wrong, we need to focus on what is actually going right. You might be smack in the middle of a couple of hardships; and still have some great doors opening up for you. But we can so easily miss it all, simply because of where we choose to focus. It’s not other people’s responsibility to make you happy.

I’m going to leave it at 9 values today – you can always add a tenth. This is my sandpit and I would love for you to come play in it. But if there’s one thing that I’ve also learned – make sure you live by the values and standards you expect others to comply with. Because no-one likes a hypocrite.😉

Have a lovely week, friends!