Full disclosure: I have the bladder of a pregnant woman or a toddler; without the benefits. When I go underground, I make sure not to eat or drink anything beforehand. I prefer not to find a stick-side and struggle with my onesie in the dark. To stop next to the road in mother natures’ canvas, should I need to, is however not something I strongly oppose. I try hard to never need to, but I have found myself on many long roads, where there is nothing else in sight.

Now, I know that this is not a story you necessarily want to hear, nearly as much as I don’t want to tell it. However, because it’s my life’s mission to gain insight from all of my experiences and hopefully share it in a positive manner to whoever is willing to read it – I am biting the bullet.

The trick to a tinkle next to the road, is to open both left-side doors for visibility protection. What I can’t see behind me, won’t see me. Ostrich syndrome – very similar to ignoring facts, without the consequences.  

I made a big mistake this weekend. I over-indulged on a delicious coffee milkshake at a delightful cafe and proceeded up a gravel road to buy cheese and then to have lunch. The surroundings was peaceful, calm and soul resting.

I suppose the 2 cups of coffee and water I had earlier that day also didn’t help too much, so as I travelled back down the dirt road after lunch to return to where I stayed the weekend (which was a bit of a drive)– my bladder was not content. So, I stopped, took my keys out, opened the doors, and quickly did my thing.

I closed both doors and walked to the driver’s side. And my car locked. The keys still on the passenger seat. My dearest Bluebessie, who refuses to lock herself in my garage, who I thought only locked herself if I drove faster than 15km/hr. – shut me out. The betrayal, the carelessness – and then also the realisation – my phone and means of emergency management was also inside my locked car. So close, yet so ridiculously far. I am 300km away from my spare keys. In all directions it’s only dirt road and forest. (Really pretty forest so my soul was slightly confused under the circumstances)

A large vehicle approached and I had to get out of my unapproachable personality to stop them. All I could think of was to ask if I can use their phone. The only number I know by heart is my mom’s. That is purely because it was my dad’s number when I was in high-school – before I even had a phone. The idea was that maybe they could assist in calling my insurance. Nope. Mom doesn’t answer strange numbers and when I tried again – she blocked the number. I am not blaming her really. Spam calls are an issue for all of us.

Yet, here I was – stuck – with no one to assist, except the strangers in front of me.

So, what do you do, in life, when you are stuck in the middle of an unfamiliar dirt road and the people you normally rely on to help you – is not available? What do you do, when you are helpless in a situation and your own capabilities is not enough?

Some people are extremely co-dependent. They need constant validation and a level of approval for even small things. Others again, does not want to rely on anyone but themselves for any decision they make. I think that both of these extreme approaches leave people with confusion and that confusion trickles to those around them. We need other people to sometimes alter our perception on things, because we are not always right, nor do we all share the exact same experiences. Our perspective can only be based on a small percentage of a bigger picture. But we also need to be stable enough within ourselves to be able to trust our judgement. Being able to take in other’s perceptions, without going back and forth in our minds.

We do not need constant validation to an extent that we manipulate our reality in order to get it. Our lives are also not entirely our own and therefore we are to some degree reliant on a society around us, as they are on us.

Somewhere along my own gravel road, I have convinced myself that I would rather keep people out of my bubble, than allow them in. Because people only understand and listen from their own perspective. We tend to be collateral damage in someone else’s story. And the ones you sometimes do let in – has their own short-sighted agenda’s and unresolved issues. As do we all. When you are stuck and stranded – whether it’s in the repetition of a decision not working, your habitual thoughts or your comfortable habits – you sometimes need that outside perspective to get you on the right track again. When you want to be understood – you need to allow people to understand you. Sometimes it will be a miss, sometimes it will be a hit – but we are not islands, nor silo’s. A strong and stable foundation is so important for this.

The strangers had limited tools, but good skills as mechanics. Literally, by trade (I mean – what are the chances?) We struggled for a while to cut a wire with a rock and a screwdriver. Then we struggled to get the wire into the window to reach the ‘open’ button. I could almost hear in my mind already, the unlocking sound once we managed to get the wire on the button. But all we heard was silence. And the mocking of the birds in the sky. Turns out, Bluebessie had a pretty decent safety precaution against theft. Which then only left one last option under the circumstances: we had to break the small back window. Poor decisions, have its consequences.

Back in the driver’s seat, with a backseat full of broken glass, hands with tiny cuts on and utter disappointment – I ascended down the dirt road and eventually had a good laugh. Inconvenient? Absolutely. It was, however not the end of the world and I was left with a feeling of gratefulness. Grateful for the people who stopped – that in an unsafe country, we have good people. For being back inside the car. Grateful for every lesson I can learn in life. I don’t have to be co-dependent, but I also understand that I do need people in my life.

I hope that we can help people, whenever there is an opportunity – in ways that we are specifically skilled to. That we all allow the right people in our lives, to grow out of our comfort zones. I hope that we can always find laughter after getting unstuck and un-stranded; and in the midst of it too. And I hope that we can just be genuinely grateful to know – that even when we don’t understand the road we are on – there is a reason and purpose for it.

Vir Charlie en Wynand – twee helpende hande met ‘n minibus vol familie: julle het ‘n vreemdeling in ‘n kortbroek langs die pad gehelp in haar eie nalatigheid. Julle het in die bakkende son ‘n uur uit julle dag gehaal om te probeer help. Die pogings was dalk nie ooglopend suksesvol nie, maar ek weet die voorbeeld wat julle vir julle klein kinders gestel het gaan blywend wees. Sukses is nie altyd in die eind-produk nie, maar in die moeite ingesit en die reis op die pad.