“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

― Aristotle

As it’s peaking in coldness all through the country – I was fortunate enough to do some fire gazing over the weekend. It’s amazing how flames curl and fight to escape, yet is contained by its immediate environment. Flames fighting in curls – angry – yet so unbelievably beautiful.

I always imagine when I get angry sometimes, that if I walk really fast – I will probable start to levitate. Can you quickly imagine that? Almost like Mary Poppins, but without the spoonful of sugar.

At a bazaar a couple of weeks ago, an old ‘omie’ got extremely upset that the bean soup was too cold for his liking. Oopsie… but I did wonder: Does the level of anger justify the misdeed that was committed?

We can get angry over a hundred things in one day. And some weeks, more than others – anger is bubbling just below the surface. I can always classify the source of my anger into 3 groups. Inconsideration, selfishness and unfairness. I feel all anger can fit into one of these groups

The problem with becoming angry and then reacting to it – the misdeed will quickly disappear and only your reaction and the perception of it will remain. What proceeded your reaction does not matter. What lead you to the point where you react does not matter – the reaction in itself becomes more important.

I’ve been wondering a lot on what the appropriate response to dishonesty should be. Dishonesty falls to me under all three groups above and I have been struggling with it.

I have four types of dishonesty for which I have very little tolerance for:

– Blatant dishonesty – because you’re changing the facts to create a false narrative

– Omission of truth – because withholding the truth doesn’t change the facts. It just prolongs the process and create unnecessary self-doubt within another person

– Manipulation – because a situation is altered to benefit only one person, and is so much worse when it’s emotional manipulation.

– Delusion – hard-headedly choosing not to face the truth, because the daydream is better and the comfort so much more convenient.

It seems that it’s not even necessary to look for anger, it just pops up everywhere. You can be perfectly still on your chair and an e-mail can send you off before six in the morning.

Sometimes anger is founded in frustration. To find ourselves quite literally collateral damage in a situation or other people’s story. It’s a sense of hopelessness, to know that something that impacts your whole existence can be of such little value to someone else. No one ever wants to feel like they are of no importance. As if they don’t matter. To have their hurt treated so recklessly. Surely that is more than enough reason to become and stay angry – is it not?

Which again raises the question of whether our level of anger justifies whatever misdeed took place. I’m going to be honest with you – despite the many reasons that we can get angry for – we also sometimes overreact to situations that we don’t understand or don’t have all the information on. And believe it or not – sometimes we are also the reason for someone else’s anger.

There are a hundred reasons to get angry every day. There are also so many things we can do out of ignorance to anger someone else. Sometimes we’ll have valid reasons for our anger, sometimes we overreact. However, what is most important, is what we do and say when we react.

Once something is said and done – there is no go-backsies. No do-overs.

I’ve learned (and is still learning) that rarely it’s the validity of your anger that’s in question – but your response to it. No one likes a screaming and yelling adult. No one admires a condescending tone. And no-one wants to be fighting or fought with all the time. Anger is undeniably a real emotion. It does not have to be a long-term renter that just destroys wherever it goes.

It’s not easy – calming down on high emotions or deep-set feelings of injustice. It’s not easy when you have all the reason to be angry, but it seems to have little impact on the source of this anger.

Hurt people – hurt people.

My anger has been smouldering under the surface a lot lately, but it only negatively impacts me. And just as it sooths you to stare into the flames of a nice and cozy fire to heat up a very cold week – there is more beauty in containment, than a wildfire spreading havoc. And if you fail today – just try again tomorrow.

Happy warming up friends – just – keep it contained.