I absolutely love the Afrikaans language. There is a plethora of words explaining so many things and within a singular word so many letters can have such a big impact. I understand that this sentiment is not shared by a lot of Afrikaans speaking people, never mind English speaking people, but I would love to share just a little bit of what I find truly amazing in a word. For example – one of my most favourite words is the word ‘onvergenoegd’. It starts with a short vowel, directly followed by a closing consonant. A fanfare almost. It has the harsh goose sounding ‘g’ in it twice, as well as the authoritarian ‘r’ sound. However, the ‘v’ is a soft fricative, no explosive sounds (slightly confusing the flow) and it ends with a closing consonant after a closing consonant.  

This is a word that you truly have to work for – it’s not an effortless word, truly magnificent!

But it’s the meaning of the word that I absolutely love. Now, there are a lot of similar words, but because of the effort that was placed into this word and the struggling musicality of it’s pronunciation – the meaning of it is so much more effective. It means ‘unsatisfied or discontent’. With the ‘g’ sound, the rolling ‘r’ and everything else – whenever I use the word I can actually feel its meaning and impact. In fact – it was the first word that I ever taught my brothers’ little girl.

Now, of course I didn’t simply just choose to overwhelm you with Afrikaans blabber. I want us to hover over the true meaning and effect of being discontent. For clarity: it’s the dissatisfaction of one’s circumstances, or lack of a state of happiness. In other words – are you happy with your exact circumstance that you are in right now? I can already hear the opposition from people that regard themselves as ambitious. The two is not the same. Ambition is the hopeful and passionate drive behind self-improvement. Discontent is the negative and passive emotion rooted in what you don’t have but want.

Now quickly, before we continue – I want you to grab a piece of paper and your favourite inky pen. Or whichever writing tool is closest to you. Write down four things that you desperately need right now in your life. But take it seriously. No one needs to win the lotto. More realistic will be to pay off debt. And then you fold that piece of paper and put it aside for a bit – I’m going to take a deep dive on something I’ve touched on previously:

If someone is discontent with their circumstances, the easiest thing to do is to blame someone else for those circumstances.

Now, I cannot speak for other people, but I have learned something from my own discontentment in the past. And it mostly sprouted from what my expectations were from other people. Now don’t get me wrong – I am not talking about people deliberately bringing chaos, inconsistency and instability into your life. I am talking about this underlying idea that if only they will do this and that; then things will be better. Or if only I can get that new job or that one thing I want. If only my partner can listen to me and be considerate of my feelings, then our relationship will work better.

I have gone through great depths to explain my stance to specific people, in order for them to understand how I feel. And then I placed the responsibility solidly on their shoulders to now make me happy. Because now they know, right? I have communicated my needs? Wrong.

People are different and if all the people in the world were mature adults with no baggage from our pasts, we could share our concerns equally and all involved participants would take the other person into consideration and conflict will be resolved. But this is not the case. People are living in a broken world and we all are impacted to some extent by this. I cannot solely make my happiness someone else’s responsibility, by simply sharing what I want from them.

Why not, you ask? Simply, because there are two people involved.

Example: If I ask someone to respect something specific that I ask of them, do they actually have the capacity to do it? Or will my request trigger something within them from their own past. And if it does – what will my reaction be to this? If you meet the other person with patience and understanding and in time the situation changes for the better – that will be ideal. If not – know when to walk away. But never just assume that your own feelings are the only thing that matters. I cannot think of something more self-entitled than to expect other people to constantly adjust themselves around your emotions.

And that was the biggest thing that would make me look at my life with dissatisfaction. It wasn’t that I didn’t have what I wanted – material things like that can change very quickly. It was that I didn’t have what I wanted, but I expected other people to give it to me. Literally or figuratively. If I didn’t get that promotion – it was because something unfair was happening. It might have damn well been true – but I didn’t have the evidence nor the control. I didn’t get the recognition I felt I deserved, and my personality was blamed. Again – possible double standards, but was I not partially responsible for how people perceived me? I am not getting what I feel I deserve? What was the effort I put into something to deserve anything? Definitely not humility.😊

So now I want you to open up that folded piece of paper we put aside earlier. What if you never got those 4 things on that piece of paper? Is your life somehow of less value? Do we now ‘give up’ and indulge in our bitterness and discontentment? Will a pity party change your circumstances?

Moving away almost 7 hours from my support network was the biggest thing I have ever had to do. I didn’t upgrade in lifestyle when I made that move. I didn’t move to Cape Town or the city. Every single thing became more difficult. Buying things, travelling to work, water and power; even having a nice meal. We were not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy. But I believe I only learned how to truly grow up when that had to happen. The biggest thing that I learned, was that I do not want to have a life of discontentment, regardless of my circumstances. And the state of not being content – was all on me. Not someone else.

I get that the only way for people to truly learn and grow is to ‘sit with their own discomfort’. Boy, I wish it wasn’t the case. I wish we could take people’s advice and it will improve our own lives. But seldomly we learn through other people’s mistakes.

If you get nothing in life you want – can it be possible for you to still be happy?

I believe so. Because contentment is a choice. Just because you choose to believe that you don’t have what you want – I know of Someone a bit bigger that gives you exactly what you need. And that in itself is something to wake up to everyday with a level of hope and grace.

Enough about that, though. When last did you use your favourite Afrikaans word in a sentence? (Swearing does not count – I’m talking to you, yes!)

Have a lovely week, friends!😊