Tomorrow my life changes.
It sounds overdramatic — I know, but it’s the truth though.
In life, we like our comforts. We might enjoy the occasional challenge, but we’ll hold onto comfort and the status quo, whether it’s good for us or not. We hold on to our comforts and want little change from what we know, even if we’re not entirely happy with our situation. Sure, we daydream, but little action. So if there are life changing events — we just might oppose it. Because it doesn’t always feel good. Unless we immediately seek for meaning and purpose and appreciate the effect.
As I’m preparing for tomorrow and facing my fears — I reflect on some things that I’ve learnt the past couple of years. It might not be relevant at all, but maybe you can take some of it into your life and it will help with a little bit of perception.
- We cannot change people. We cannot love them into becoming the people they presented to us. It’s a capacity thing. The moment we realise this, we start to let go of our want to control. What is within our own control — is presenting ourselves truthfully to others.
- Make time for the people that make time for you. Whether you are in the mood or not. Whether it’s convenient or not. If ever someone has made time in this crazy world for you and your issues — you better make time for them. It’s as simple as that.
- People have different views on what trauma really is. Scared of losing your job unfairly is traumatising. A threatening miscarriage is traumatising. Death of a loved one is traumatising. What I don’t believe is traumatising, is changing words and events to fit a narrative in order to perform on a self-made stage and gain sympathy. (This will be my only rant 😉)
- When I was in my 20’s and I wanted to run away from my problems — I simply couldn’t afford it. Literally — too poor. I didn’t have someone to save me from the consequences of my choices. I was stuck and had to work through it. Which my parents encouraged. And it’s something I am extremely grateful for today. Once you start running, you’ll always find a new way to run. If being helpless keeps on saving you – why would you ever stand on your own 2 feet? And that’s when we stay stuck in avoidance. Until it all builds-up.
- We need help in this world. We can’t do everything by ourselves or push people away to protect ourselves. We need people as much as they need us. That being said — choose the right people, but more importantly — be the right person.
- We think its just small compromises to our values every here and there. No harm, no foul? So we keep on compromising on our values. Justify it. Where does it end up though? How far are we removed from our values with all the small tidbits? Someone else doing something compromising is no excuse for us to do it as well. High standards are our own responsibility.
- We think being kind is being nice. To validate someone’s feelings in the moment and then to move on and forget about them for the moment. Congratulate ourselves a little bit. But, kindness is more. It’s being truly interested, but can also mean to be strict and consistent. Disciplined and stable. It’s being genuine, not just polite. It’s being considerate, not just expecting it consideration. It’s being fully supportive, not just offering advice. It’s not just 2-dimensional.
- There’s a metaphorical bus in life. We either find ourselves under it, or we tend to shove other people under it. Maybe we should stop? Maybe we shouldn’t judge people for situations we don’t understand. Or soothe our own guilt by trying to justify bad things happening to other people. Or turning the blind eye… No-one deserves to be under any bus. If you don’t like being under the bus, there are other options than shoving someone else in there.
- I give my cat ‘njummies’ (a small amount of wet food) almost every night. About 2 teaspoons for hydration. When we visit my parents, I still do it. My cat always leaves a little bit behind, which my parents’ yorkie-fluff (with 3 front teeth left) excitedly finish for him. To the point where if I don’t give it — I get stared at and judged by little Toothless. In life, we put things on tables and create expectations. The biggest disappointments is not getting nothing. It’s being offered something amazing, and then it’s taken from you. Try to be the person, that doesn’t put something on the table if you are not 100% sure. Try to be consistent.
- My grandpa used to stir the pot between my dad and I a lot. Little potty-seeds and my dad and I would go into a full-on debates with one another. It was all in good fun, though. What isn’t fun, is people creating scenarios and expect other people to carry the consequences. Then conveniently leave the situation washing their hands in innocence. Those people are everywhere. But as long as you respond — it’s on you. We have self control. We need to use it. I’m still learning this. Leave those rainmakers to dance in their own storms.
- This life consists of day and night. We have the scary world. The world filled with suffering. The burdens, the sadness, the injustices, the loneliness and the bitterness. But…
We also have the opposite. The small joys, the miracles, the love, the laughter. We have chances to be part of communities as long as we offer a bit of ourselves. This life can be truly amazing at times and if we protect ourselves too hard — we might miss it. - Learn to laugh at yourself. To take what you give out. Learn to find small contentment even in the most somber of days. Happiness is a choice (your own choice) — not a short-lived feeling. And we all can find moments of it in each day.
Sigh. I did not want to preach to anyone, but myself tonight. My life is changing tomorrow. Have I mentioned it?
I’m scared and excited and more scared. And I’m okay with it. Because there is only forward — no go-backsies.
Sometimes we make decisions that change our lives. It’s not always our own choices that bring on the changes. It’s sometimes a participation trophy. Sometimes it hits you out of the blue on a Tuesday morning at 03:30, after you finally made the right decision. And you very quickly have to accept that it’s simply Divine Intervention under unfortunate circumstances.
But the only way is through the change. Going forward, no more going back to yesterday. And as we take it step by step — we learn that even though some things might really hurt and flabbergast us (still) — it will not kill us after all.
I hope that everyone can experience positive life changing events this year!
Have a lovely week friends!!