My approach to managing anything at work and in life, is to be the manager / supervisor / whatever – that I always wished I had. I did not like my time being wasted on a Sunday when I started out in this industry, so I do not play lightly with overtime. I did not like when there was a lack of communication in the Department, so I like to communicate a lot (the other side of this is of course over explanation to the point where you confuse your team – I tend to sometimes do that). And I like a straight-forward approach to expectations and requirements. I also do not like small-talk, so I tend to avoid it and go straight for the deep and jugular.

But of course, people are all different. Some of my biggest disappointments in life, was when I went out of my way to do something for someone, that I would appreciate, and not only was the response not the gratitude I expected – it was literal ungratefulness in response.

Now, the easy way of thinking is – clearly people nowadays are ungrateful. And I do believe that there is definitely some truth in that. But, what if it’s not just about other people? What if our own expectations also come from our very own High Horse?

If someone does not like wine – do I give them wine and expect them to now be grateful? I think that is exactly our expectations at times. Metaphorically. It’s not about who we give to, or what they need – but how we feel when we do that. And the dopamine hit from another persons’ gratitude.

The same goes for advice or in-depth conversations. To people a little bit closer to you than mere colleagues, of course.

Have you ever grown frustrated with someone, because you give them sound advice and they seem unable to listen or take it in?

I know I have. Some things for you are so very clear, and the person in front of you seem to be unable to perceive what you tell them. Like water on a rubber-ducky.

Now, I have also been on the other side of that 2-sided coin. I have learned that there is a different process for perceiving what someone else is advising you on, or explaining to you, for everyone. In their minds, it’s very simple – they know what they are talking about, they are clear and objective in this matter; and they have the experience to give you sound advice. All you have to do – is listen and follow. Right?😊

Here is the problem with that process – if you are not familiar with a specific scenario or situation – their advice is not connecting on a level your brain understands. The only way for you to relate to that advice is to take it and change it into something that you can relate to. If the situation requires advice, there is some feelings and emotions involved as well, which makes this situation – very subjective for you. And that process takes time for anything to sink in. And people tend to be very impatient with other people’s processes.

But we continue with what we do. We get on our very high horses and we give advice and counselling to everyone willing to listen or not. And we do all of this for free with our own perspectives and our own experiences and we expect this magnitude of gratitude, and we get absolutely nothing in return. Ungrateful people. Pffftt…

Except for one little thing…

See, sometimes we put ourselves on that high horse. The other person never asked for it. And we probably never realised that, when we make ourselves out to be the hero – we are by default making them the victim or villain. We can look back and say they put us in the position to fulfil that role, but I think if we allow ourselves to be brutally honest – that is exactly where we placed ourselves. It was a little bit about them; and a whole lot about us.

And I get it. On this very high horse – we see things clear and in good perspective. We are probably right (not always). But while we are on that tall horsey – the person we are communicating to, cannot see what we are seeing. Because we are elevating ourselves, they are not on equal foot. They didn’t put us on the horse – we got there all by ourselves. And we were probably also a little quick to jump on there.

So, we either need to get off that damn horse and walk the gravel road with them. Or we need to find ways to elevate them, to see the bigger picture themselves.

It’s not a guarantee that this will help. But it is an equal playing field. Sometimes, however, people need to learn through their own experiences though. But when it comes to advice or help on insight – understand that it’s always a process. And it’s not your process to rush. Take some time to listen to what someone else is actually saying, not just what you want to hear. Or the response you need in order to continue your own views.

Have a lovely low-horse week, fiends!