We got Anke when I was 8. A German Shepard with an absolutely lovely personality. She was very disciplined and caring, yet she seemed to be a bit embarrassed by the hairlessness of humans. I mean – it was amazing how she would look down, or leave the room when clothes came off. (Nothing to do with today’s story, but I can’t think of her, without remembering her sweet modesty)

Anke was the bestest girl and a great judge of character, but she also had a bit of a bad habit. In our garden we had numerous plants, and one in particular attracted a lot of bees. Tee-bossie or bee blossom. For Anke – bees were the enemy. She attacked them with the force of a Roman army. Viciously biting at the ignorant buzzers, trying to keep them away from us. Every time she would heave a bit afterwards and every time she would just go at it again. The protector of humans against those dangerous, stripy bumble-butts. She continued her war, until she could no more – the year I turned 19.

Anke got stung a lot. She dry-heaved a lot. We fought with her a lot – yet she did the same thing over and over again.

For human beings – it’s absolute insanity to do the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. But just like Anke – we keep up the good ‘fight’.

If we all recognise the unhealthy behaviours in others, why do we keep on making the exact same choices and expecting different results ourselves? I think sometimes, it’s because we make our decision, expecting other people to make a different choice, because if they choose differently – things might change. This time.

So, our expectation for change is not based on our own decisions, but whether someone else do something different. And that’s when we go around and around that mountain that we can’t seem to cross.

There definitely are bits and pieces of instant gratification that we get when making the same decision over again. But it’s short lived relief. Small breezes, before it returns to the state it was. And the empty feeling returns, where you hunger for more – for something… A space of want and longing.

Yet, we keep at it.

It’s in all aspects of our lives. We spend most of our day at work and with each job, comes its own challenges. If you were to give a list for everything that needs change in your working environment to improve on it – the list will probably be filled with what other people should change. Your colleagues should change A, B and C; your manager should do this or that. If everyone around you change – only then will you be able to perform to your potential.

It’s always very easy to criticise what other people should or shouldn’t do. And it’s understandable. We are the outsiders, having a bit of an objective point of view. So, there is some validity in it. We are severely mistaken, if we think that change can only occur, if other people make those changes we want them to make.

I have learned more as a working adult about trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different outcomes observationally, than I have learned that anywhere else in life. Which is saying a lot – because the theme is quite prevalent in both areas.

When you find yourself continuing down a familiar path and the path is leading to something that can’t be sustainable – how much of it is actually within your control?

What if, just an idea – we don’t wait for someone else to change first – but make the small changes ourselves? Big decisions are overwhelming sometimes and that is why we tend to stick to what we know and what is familiar. But what if we start making small decisions, different to what we normally make?

If you notice you complain about the people and circumstances in your environment a bit too much – why not make a deliberate choice not to? Procrastinate a little bit on a Monday morning – change it. If you tend to isolate yourself in difficult circumstances – all the more reason to be there for someone else – help others more, than your ‘want’ to feel sorry for yourself.

A different outcome in situations, is not based on whether someone else will now make a different decision. It is based on our own small clumps of different choices.

We are not Anke, angrily biting at bees over and over again. We are (mostly) rational and sane human beings – even though we get overwhelmed by our emotions occasionally. If you truly want things to change – change it. Stop expecting different results by doing the same thing that you know is not working anymore. The same goes for our thinking. Often we get stuck in the same way of thinking, the same approach to our problems. We need to find ways to change our perspective in order for us to gain new insights. We can only do that, by stepping away from the problem for a bit – not avoid it. Avoiding worsens everything.

Start small – break your normal routine – try a different recipe for dinner, sit outside after eight at night, go to bed a little bit earlier – or in my case – a little bit later. And if you know that certain decisions will lead you to a path you were before and did not like it, or it held poor results – well, maybe this time it will turn out differently. But chances are that you might just be going around that mountain again.

Every day is an opportunity to not keep on aggressively biting bees. An opportunity to not do things with known outcomes. To stop playing with levels of insanity. We are active participants in the circumstances of our lives. To break certain patterns – we will have to make those changes. Short term discomfort or hurt, will ultimately lead to the bearing of good and delicious fruits.

Happy staying sane friends!