“First thought of the morning, last worry of the night – your Goliath dominates your day and infiltrates your joy.”
― Max Lucado

had a bit of a rough Wednesday last week. I woke up knowing what we were going to do and thought I had the day figured out. We had an underground system failure inspection, and without boring you with the details of my job – I quickly picked up during the visit, that the system was run incorrectly and the amount of pressure on the system was not sustainable. This explained the failures in part. I also picked up that it was not based on deliberate wrong-doing, but a change in systems. I don’t want to go into too much technical detail – I tend to get sidetracked with technicalities.

Now, mining is quite colourful and the different backgrounds and personalities of employees coming from numerous parts of the world provide for daily adventures. In this particular instance I approached an expat from Down-under to have (what I thought would be) an insightful conversation. Now, without going into too much detail – I will mention that I was in for a rude awakening. I have been exposed to numerous interesting situations underground – some I have created myself, some I have entertained and some where I have been very well aware that short of changing the depth of my voice, my height or my gender – sometimes you just won’t win.

In this case I could have said anything and probably sang the star-spangled banner and I doubt he would have listened. Work is work. I don’t play around with that. Never in my life have I experienced such an unwillingness to listen or see; instant attacking and an onslaught of insults. A masterful display of gaslighting and instant victimhood. Constantly interrupting me (even though – if you know me – I will get my words in – or try to). It reached a point where I had to step back from the conversation and walked away. I walked away three times. Three times. Just because you are done with a conversation, doesn’t mean someone else is.  Followed by a string of ridiculous insults.

It’s days like that that I wonder: What am I doing here? Why do I put myself through this? I could have been a housewife or a teacher somewhere.

I have mentioned that I am quite skilled at throwing myself glorious pity parties. However, there is something that I have been doing for a while now and to be able to do that, I have to put a bit of a time limit on my parties. A lot of people at work will have this saying: New day, same problems – but I refuse to accept it.

I want to share my secret… Every night, as I sit in my bed I quickly run through what I would have done differently, ways that I could have approached things – and then I let it go. Yes – I just – let it go.

I want to close off my day. I want to rid myself of every mistake I made, every sharp response I’ve uttered, every selfish inclination. Tomorrow – If I am fortunate enough to open my eyes – I start again – afresh. Not with a new day, same problems. A new day with a new perspective.

Which means that I can’t hold on to those pity parties for too long, because a day is only so long and I am yet to eat ice-cream, take a bath, read a book, play some music and find something to laugh about, when I get home after a long day.

When I wake up in the mornings, I don’t think that everything will be smooth sailing. There will be challenges, I might make mistakes or I might be affected by other peoples actions. But I have this day – this present that was given to me – to use it to the best of my ability. I might go home today and feel slightly frustrated with myself, because I somewhat failed. Feeling that today was not exactly a ‘win’. I might go home with a scheduled 5-minute pity party.

Or –

I might go home feeling content, grateful and peaceful.

The comfort I have from living each day according to its own value is something I wish a could explain better. I’m not ignorant of tomorrow, but if the thought of the future overwhelms me – I stop.

Last Wednesday upset me. I am not going to lie. He was in no way appropriate – or even more so – correct factually. I think I am a tough cookie for the most part, but I’m also a little bit of that 10 year old girl wearing glasses. And if I spent too much time entertaining the question of what I am doing here or why I put myself in these situations that frustrates me – I will lose all focus on the small things.

Someone once told me that he saw me as an Impala lily at work, just before he left the mine. It caused quite a bit of laughs after the fact. An impala lily is a pretty flower growing (and blooming) in rough and harsh conditions. More noteworthy, as I was jokingly informed – it’s also poisonous. Whatever that implication may be – I don’t care – I’m a freak’n Impala lily!

Try to make the best of each situation. You don’t have to be an overwhelmingly positive person in your everyday tasks. You just need to have the right amount of delusion, to want to be joyous in-between the desert or the bushveld.

Try to close off each day completely. To let go of the challenges, the bad – cherish the good. Allow for the night to be a peaceful blanket in order for you to wake up tomorrow – and start afresh.

Bloom where you are planted – whether it’s in the desert, a city of concrete, a forgotten town or the seaside.

Happy blooming!