I decided last week to take a couple of days leave for this week. When you are coping in a high stress environment from all directions, for a prolonged time – a breather is just necessary at times. And some other things as well.

So the plan was to visit my brother first and from there, go through to my parents. Everyone knew about it – except mamma Moolman. Now, my mom is a very curious person and she is also a very ‘why’ person. Keeping a hidden agenda from her, is not easy.

To hide this from her, took a lot of maneuvering and at the same time – none of us are comfortable lying, much less to our matriarch.

Sunday night while at my brothers’, as the kids phoned their grandparents – we told them grandma doesn’t know tannie ‘Sonia is coming. BUT and we emphasised that, if she particularly asks – to NOT lie. It’s a thin line, to keep a secret and to steer clear of dishonesty (even just the smallest of untruths), but we hold honesty ti a high regard. The kids, wanting to keep the secret, just turned to slightly awkward conversation, because they seemed to forget whatever they were doing before I arrived. Yet, the secret was intact. I also managed to somewhat avoid talking to my mom during this time – because if there is one thing I struggle with – is pretending.

As I arrived at their house yesterday (they were still travelling from a family visit in Bloem), I found my dad’s garden engineer waiting outside. Horrible arrangements they made, so fortunately I was there to open up and provide food and instruction. Another close call, because randomly phoning dad on a Monday morning does not happen often. Unless I need to call in the Big Guns for advice.

But the deal breaker was when my dad’s friend appeared from nowhere, switched on the alarm when he decided to come check on the house – with a human size Ansonia just about ready for motion. Alarm went off and you know Security will phone. I then made a crucial mistake phoning dad, to try and do damage control. Which of course made mom’s spidey senses go off.

It takes a lot of effort to hide things. A lot of effort to pretend. A lot of effort to put up a farce. And I sometimes wonder if people do not find it draining. Because the disappointment that comes when the masks fall off – or when the play pretend shatters – it’s such an unnecessary and preventable consequence.

We don’t have to walk with our lives on our sleeves, but we also don’t need to live misleading lives.

There’s beauty in the vulnerable; relatability in the genuine; and ease in the truth.

It was a nice surprise for mom. There was probably a bit upset, that I took away her right to worry about me on the road. There was a definite relief in no more secrets.

And I do understand that there is a huge difference in hiding things for a nice surprise, versus just wearing a mask for those around us. I just think that the effort in both is draining and the results are by default also different. But the foundation is the same. I did however get a smack on the butt – which was fair. When a play-pretend ends, it might hurt a little bit more.

A transparent life is just so much lighter, the expectation so much clearer and the consequences so much more bearable. We do not need to publicize anything. We do not need to involve outsiders in our lives. But when we choose to do exactly that – just make sure that it’s based on truth and honesty. The curtain will lift up, the alarm will go off, and there will be no place to hide our agenda’s. From ourselves or others.

Have a great week, friends!