Today I’m having a strong conversation… with myself. And whoever wants to listen.

Accountability for our own choices is something I have wrote about before, but because trying to carry the responsibility and weight for someone else’s decisions seems a task that one simply cannot keep up with – I need it again, and maybe you do to.

Now, I’ve had to take responsibility for all the decisions that I made in my own life. some came easy, others was a bit of a battle. It does not matter that some of those decisions were based on vulnerability or fragility. It does not matter that some of those decisions were based on influences from other people. Ultimately, I made decisions.

The curtain closes and as much as everyone wants to live their entire lives with someone jumping in to save them – taking accountability for you own choices falls entirely on yourself. And you are forced to stand on your own feet. My sympathy is low towards those that continuously hide from that accountability, but expecting another person to keep on ‘fixing’ – even if it’s because of their own choices.

Co-dependency is what you call the alternative. A term sounding way better that the actual negative implications of it. Meaning your self-worth can only be obtained by being the ‘fixer’, caretaker and through that you are provided validation and a sense of control. Saviour complex that just grows in resentment, lead to conflict and create unhealthy dynamics. It is okay to ask for help; but enabling someone to stay stuck is not help, though.

However, taking accountability for your decisions mean you take responsibility for the good and poor decisions you make. We don’t get to blame others because we don’t like the outcome of our decisions. We don’t get to confuse others through our confusion. It means you accept the consequences of those decisions. Even if you don’t like it. And that’s easier said than done.

So how do we do that?

For starters – we need to stop focusing on other people and how their actions and behaviours impact us. We all are contributors in situations that involves us, whether we like it or not.

Being happy when you get your way, but play the blame game if you don’t – you are already bucking responsibilities. If we can take credit for when things go our way – we must be mature enough to do the same when the consequences are less desirable.

We can also focus on our actions and words lining up. No-one likes a hypocrite. No one likes a whole list of excuses. Excuses are always valid. It can always be understood. But if your repertoire consists of daily or weekly justifications – there is no accountability, no growth. Our lives are not a Ferris wheel of Ground-hog days.

Mean what you say. Truly mean it. Someone else’s willingness to understand our situation places our responsibility and baggage on them, and should not be taken for granted. Understanding goes both ways.

Set goals for yourself. It does not have to be to run the Comrades. I mean – if you really want to – please! But start small. Set three mini goals for yourself each day. And make sure that it’s things that you can achieve. Wouldn’t we sleep better each night if we ended our days with small accomplishments?

And do all of this while being positive. And with this I want to clarify what it actually means to be positive. It does not mean you bury your head in the sand and play-pretend that everything is okay. It does not mean that you ignore something that negatively affects you. And certainly, it does not mean that you put a mask on your face.

It means that you acknowledge your ‘eh’ moment, but don’t linger on it. That you acknowledge that there’s challenges, but that you believe things will work out okay, even if it goes in a different direction than what you expected. It also means that you deliberately focus on the things you are grateful for – because there always is something.

Take accountability for every decision you make this week. Celebrate the ones that has good outcomes – and gracefully accept the ones with outcomes you don’t like. And try again to improve on that tomorrow. We can stay stuck in the mud and create an even bigger mess, or we can put out pretty Wellies on – and walk right through it.

Tonight, I will run up and down my stairs until I feel like I can’t anymore – and then do it twice more. I will vacuum and mop my floor, because – well it needs it. And I will be present in the moment, instead of escaping into my head. And tomorrow I will set new goals.

What three mini goals do you have?