Ever watched the cartoon Courage, the cowardly dog? A dog haunted by his own anxiety, but when needed – brave and morally aligned. Lessons for all mammals.

I’ve been contemplating the definition of courage the last couple of weeks. Originally, I was not quite sure on what exactly courage is.

I was very familiar with what it definitely wasn’t,  so I figured I’d start there.

Courage is not – to say one thing and then to do something else entirely. It’s not to be swayed by people with no insight into a situation – into a direction that you might benefit from, but others won’t.
Courage is not to stay quiet and then play the victim behind someone’s back. It’s not to act morally superior or playing the martyr.
Courage is also not to scheme behind an unassuming person’s back to get what you want. And it’s also not to use people for your own entertainment. It’s not using someone’s vulnerabilities against them.
And courage is definitely not treating people that treated you well, despite some differences, like the enemy.

There is a whole lot more that one can think of, but it basically comes down to courage is not thinking only about yourself and your needs. And stepping up.

A couple of years ago, my brother and I had a light-hearted conversation about protecting his kids from an intruder. And where I love his kids with all my heart and would have protected them as much as I could – there was someone I lacked. He described his wife’s feeling towards them like a mama bear. I remember thinking that’s nice. And weird.

But I wasn’t a mom. See, there is something different when you carry a baby for a couple of months. You life start changing the moment you realise that decisions you make now affects someone else. Then there’s also the constant fear you carry with you. Fear of losing the baby. Fear of the future.

A bit of my heart on my sleeve again:
At 10 weeks pregnant, I was placed on bedrest by my house doctor due to high stress caused by some work related and personal issues on the Friday. The Saturday night, there was some bleeding. I remember being on the phone with my mom trying to figure out what’s going on. Crying. There’s nothing you can do, you just have to wait it out. It didn’t worsen, but you feel powerless.

The Tuesday I drove the 5 hours alone to Pretoria to ser my gynae. With only my thoughts and my fears. The relief when I heard the heartbeat and saw him on the scan. I can’t explain it to anyone, less alone to someone that will never go through something like that. Because so many never get that heartbeat.

At 20 weeks the physical scan was done to make sure everything was fine and normal. Such a weird concept – normal. I knew that I would sacrifice for this baby regardless of what the outside world regarded as normal. I would love no matter what, in an environment where so many people will only love normal.

At 33 weeks I dealt with more stress inside and outside of work. Demands and difficulties from those around me, while I did everything in my power to stay calm, focused and honest. Sometimes letting my emotions get the better of me, but always finding my centre again. My support network. Trying to create a bubble for babys against the chaos around me.

When I say, only a mom knows the true definition of trying to protect a baby – I mean it. I’m not even going to try and explain it. Most people will KNOW this. If you hear a ‘kwê’ you react. You are acutely aware of your environment in relation to that child all of the time.

Because a child isn’t a status symbol to brag about. It’s not a buddy for entertainment or a symbol of a perfect family. Nor is it ‘finally your chance’ to play house. It’s not something to cater to an adults needs. And words are cheap when actions do not reflect it.

Our role as parents is to create a secure, stable and consistent environment. Where they know we are reliable. An environment where respect is actions not words. Because they need to carry that groundedness with them into adulthood. And too many adults have attachment issues from their own childhoods that they are still struggling to deal with.

So what is courage when we know what it’s not?

Now, I’m not a expert in this. Because I’ve been a scaredy cat a lot lately. But I think courage is when you stand by what is right, honest and true – even when you stand alone. When you don’t short term compromise on something that can cause long term harm. But mostly, courage is to leave behind your own wants and needs and make better decisions than yesterday. To acknowledge your fears, but not hide or run from it and taking accountability. And to continue to do the right thing,  not because of how others behave, but because of who you are.

And sometimes courage is also to know when to stay quiet and allow for reality to fill the silence.

Sometimes it’s easier to go through the process of elimination. Decide how you don’t want to be. And whatever remains – is who you want to become. But sometimes you’re lucky with realy good rolemodels and your road is a little bit clearer from the get-go. A little bit more lit.

There’s always an option between being courageous or acting cowardly. Living for yourself or to sacrifice. To continue the play pretend or face reality. To stand firm or to be swayed by the ignorant.

We have daily choices. May we all choose courage.

Have a lovely week, friends!! 😉