Whenever I’m in a meeting and I have concerns or request on my mind that I am trying to communicate – I tend to verbally continue on a thought that I had. Which can leave the room looking at me with a somewhat confused look on their faces. I started to joke around, that my expectation was for them to by now have mastered the ability to read my mind.

I do this outside of work as well. When I am emotional or a bit lonely – I somehow expect people to just magically guess it. I think we all sometimes have that expectation for other people to read our minds – take our hints and subtle suggestions and run with it. Totally irrational of course. And somehow connected to our feelings of pride.

Pride is not necessarily arrogance. It can be – but that is not what I’m referring to in this context. I’m also not referring to pride in how we conduct ourselves and our work.

Pride is a lonely sport we play. It’s the perception we want to create amongst other people, in order for them to confirm a perception of ourselves that we want to upkeep. It’s the need to create an environment that even from the inside if things are a bit broken and damaged – other people will not perceive it as such. And because of that – we sometimes go to the extremes to influence other people’s perceptions of our situations.

A lot of people will use social media to proclaim to the world that they are living these picture-perfect lives. The intent behind it might be perfectly innocent. If things are going well, you want to brag just a little bit. If things behind the scene’s are not as great – if you play-pretend and others believe it – there’s also some level of comfort in that. However – inviting so many (almost) strangers into our lives come with consequences. Putting a spotlight on a delusion – will make the reality harder to deal with long term.

Pride is to hide our vulnerabilities and in the process, hopefully convince people enough – to play-pretend it away. It’s a mask we choose to wear. And it’s a little comfort zone we create.

In a world that feels like it’s becoming increasingly more unstable, I have concluded that we sometimes confuse comfort with stability.

Being stable is when, even though everything around you might move in variants of good and bad – your footing remains steady. You expect that life comes with ups and downs. That there will be challenges, but because your core is stable and you expect these – you might feel a sense of uneasy – but not like you are about to lose your shit. Comfort, however is based on feelings of ease and free of things that can hurt you or inconvenience you. Protecting the status quo.

It is possible to be stable in the ‘downs’ of life. It is less easy to be fully comfortable. I think we somehow lose focus on the basic needs. Comfort is not a basic need. It is a VERY nice to have. Yet – it is absolutely not guaranteed. This, however is the one thing that our pride keeps on fighting for. Our level of comfort.

Think back on one of the most embarrassing moments of your life. If you are anything like me – you wouldn’t have to think back too far. What is it that caused the moment of embarrassment? I’m going out on a limb here, but the embarrassment probably streams from the fact that in your mind – the perception that you want other people to have of you, was altered by the action / sentence / ‘insert verb’. Our pride is our raw awareness of our own dignity. Or what we perceive as being dignified.

This of course looks different for everyone. We all have our own short-fallings when it comes to pride. Failure to accept reality is a form of pride. Misleading people on your Facebook page to create a false perception is a form of pride. Lying to yourself about undesirable circumstances is a form of pride. Altering situations and playing on other people’s emotions to ensure your level of comfort is not disrupted – it’s a form of pride. Not learning from past mistakes, not wanting to be wrong, expecting different results from the same actions – the list can become quite long.

The moment we let go of our perception of pride being only a characteristic given to a 1700’s aristocrat or an arrogant fool – we will understand that we too can entertain this unwanted fiend that lingers in our heads.

It is okay to strive for stability. It is not okay to mistake comfort for stability. And the way we distinguish it, is with a bit of humility. Not to be humble in the things that is of no concern to you. But to be humble in the matters that you come to realise triggers your pride.

I will use myself and some of my shortcomings as an example. I do not need to be humble when it comes to brand names or materialistic things. That to me is of no concern. That is not my trial and test. I do have a chip on my shoulder when it comes to taking me seriously at work. My perceived intelligence and respect for my skill. But, not everyone needs to know that I’m smart. In fact – I have made enough dumb decisions to know that I am fallible in this regard.

Also, sharing my vulnerability in a non-awkward manner to make me relatable is another ‘nails on black-board’ moment for me.

Those things will be my trials and tests on humbleness. If one day I have overcome my trials and tests on these – my comfort will not matter too much – because I will know that my stability will be sound. Your comforting pride fiends will differ from mine and the next person.

Comfort and pride, to me, goes hand in hand. Stability outlasts both. And most people don’t think of you, the way you think they think of you. (I’m going to leave you to read that again).

I wish we could all strive for stability, instead of the prideful comfort. Happy humblings friends!