I have on previous occasions spoke about collateral damage. I’ve even come up with the most heart wrenching quotes and sayings on this specific topic. My view used to be that at some point we are all collateral damage in someone else’s story, and some people become just that in ours.

I have to be honest, though. It’s been tickling me for a while now. An almost ‘reminder’ that this particular view is very two-dimensional, and not accurate. Just tickling on the soft bubbles of my left brain.

And this morning, I just decided – nope.

So, I quickly want to get into the technical side of what I would normally refer to as collateral damage:

• In the military it refers to harm done to civilians in the process of an operation with the benefits outweighing the damage
• In Business and in politics, some decisions are made and taken, that has harmful consequences to individuals or groups, in the pursuit of a bigger goal or cause
• In a metaphorical reference, it can mean that as we live life and make decisions that we feel is best for us – we do not take into consideration that it can negatively impact other people around us or as a consequence of that decision.

Now, I did not decide this morning that collateral damage is not real. Of course, it is. Most of the harm done in life, is because of unintended consequences. If two people play games with each other – at some point other people will be drawn into the not so fun game, if there is no change. And if a continuous bad habit does not change, it will affect someone else. When I try to control other people with subtle manipulation – at some point they are going to resent me for it.

For every action there is a reaction.

However – I have said it before, but I do want to emphasize it again. We are not passive observers to our own lives. We do not simply sit by and life happens to us. Every day consist of choices we get to make. In fact – I would like to go out on a limb here, but we subconsciously make more decisions in a day, that subtly influence other people – than what we even realise.

So, when I think of myself as being collateral damage in someone else’s story – I can easily access it. It helps me with my angry walks. Being involved in other people’s inability to sort out their own issues. To be in the crossfire of an insecure ego on a bad year. Breaking my brain in understanding someone else’s difficulty, with them not putting in a little bit of effort to figure things out themselves. Not being given the same grace and understanding when I try to make sense of a chaotic situation happening to me – as I provided to someone else for their chaotic situations. Forced to make decisions, when other people are incapable of doing so.

Go ahead – think of all your own scenario’s, where you feel life happened to you and not with you.

But then, I want you to change your perspective a little bit and think of all the times someone else was collateral damage in your story.

Those times I responded sharply and impatiently because I had a bad day. The times I expected people to understand my situation, but have very little empathy to theirs. Those times where I emotionally guilt-tripped someone into doing things that I wanted, despite knowing that they felt differently. Those times I only cared about my needs, and convinced myself it would be good for everyone.

Then, dear friends – it’s not so fun anymore, is it?

So, no more collateral damage and political play and games. None of that.

We are participants in our own lives. We make decisions every day.

Today, I am deciding to not have any toxic thoughts and pity parties and negative what-nots. I have enough brain fluff, as things are right now. If we spend the rest of the week thinking that even small decisions can affect our lives and have a good impact on other people. Can we embrace it instead of allowing it to overwhelm us? Because it starts with the small decisions. What we eat, how much we move, how much we listen and how long we spend time with negative people. How negative is our own conversations when we take off our masks?

Nah, for this week I want to enjoy what I have control over; and relax out of what I can’t control.

Because next week is Spring – and if you are anything like me… It’s just months of joy and joy-ness waiting in the sunlight.

Have a lovely week, friends!