When you’re in school, there is a lot of emphasis placed on role models. It’s a question asked for every club you wanted to join or debates or leadership forums. Who is your role model and why?

In primary school I mentioned Joan of Arc. Because I liked that it was a woman that fought in the wars – even though it had zero relation to my own reality.

I honestly can’t remember who my role model was in High School. I tend to think that I didn’t have one, but that I chose to admire specific characteristics in specific people.

During the ever so famous times of ‘The Gilmore Girls’ a lot of young women chose Hilary Clinton as their role model. Why? Because she was a woman in a position of power and the first female candidate to run for presidency in the USA. That’s it. Taylor Swift, Blake Lively, Harry Styles – a whole bunch of modern-day role models. Wealthy people in positions of power with some level (debatable?) of talent. Of which I personally think not an awful lot of.

So, I want to go through what the idea of a role model is according to the ‘smart’ people. It’s simply put as someone that other people can look at as an example to be imitated. Such a simple definition. And by this definition, you can go through a whole list of famous people to have as role models. Power and wealth are what they represent. With some level of vulnerability and ‘victim mentality’.

I used to look at any strong and independent woman as a good role model. And yet – they somehow fell short. I would also admire men in the workplace for good-hearted qualities – strong, sound decision making – lead by example. And I would still end up disappointed. I suppose nothing will be good enough, if our expectation is that people should consistently not disappoint us.

However – I can only now reflect that my expectations on others was wrongly placed. I was more focused on what other people had to do right. The focus on me doing the right thing, was less important. Because – we all make mistakes. And if it comes to our own mistakes – we want instant forgiveness and sympathy. 😊

I started following American politics in about 2017 / 2018 – simply as a distraction from South African politics. At that stage, I was well familiar with a ‘just off the tracks of honesty’ government and I was not ignorant enough to think that America’s media and government would be different, if my own country toyed about, with this. Politics seem to be universally loud and in your face, with too much emotion. But that is when I went into a deep dive of conservative view points.

I think in general, most South Africans lean a little bit more on the conservative side. Because we are mostly religious. Because we are more traditional. Do we try our hardest to become highly liberal after school as part of the process to find our own identity? Of course! Do we move back to our roots when we grow a bit older and wiser? Also, yes. For the most part…

When Charlie Kirk was brutally assassinated last week, it really hit a nerve. It’s weird. I’ve been following him for 7 years, but because American politics to me is more entertainment, I would also regularly reach a point where I’ve had enough of them. But with Charlie – I admired how he debated. How he would be in situations where people will deliberately twist his words, be rude, obnoxious, disrespectful – and he would get annoyed, but not mirror their behaviour. (Feel free to watch the full episode of Jubilee)

What happened last week affected so many people – not just within America. And if there is one thing (despite the dishonesty in the aftermath) – I have no doubt in my mind that this man went to Heaven. His legacy is immense – and it was NEVER self-serving.

When I heard his wife’s speech on Saturday morning – I bawled my eyes out. For such a senseless act, but also – for my own life where I played around too much. Justified too many mistakes, seek out the short term funzies too often. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with making mistakes – I encourage we all make them, but I feel we started forgetting the second part. Where we learn from it and make better choices going forward.

I feel a deep sense, that we need to start choosing our role models better. Because who we choose as our role models, is who we will become. And who do we want our children to imitate? Who do we want our children to look up to?

So, what is the criteria for a good role model? We can start with 2 simple questions: What did they do to earn their position. What did they do of value while they were in that position?

And then we can break it down even further – consistency; words and actions that match; honesty; integrity (the actual meaning of it); how we treat everyone – not just those we agree with; not compromising on our morals and values; understanding that more people are swayed by a kind approach, than a finger pointing – but still not betray your own beliefs. Humility; not taking yourself too seriously, compassion, consideration. Self-sacrifice. Less ego, more serving. Sincere – with no pretense. I can only think of one person that has ever managed all of the above. And He made that ultimate sacrifice for us.

Choosing our role models is so important, because we will mirror the behaviour that occupy our thoughts. And what we do, trickles down to the vulnerable and the easily influenced around us.

Because, when you are raising the future generation, your job is not to have a ‘forever buddy’, a ‘queen’ or a ‘mama’s boy’. It’s not just about your own joy. Your job is to raise someone who will be able to cope in the challenges of this chaotic world, with a grounded foundation, strong principles and kind nature (Note – nice and kind is not the same thing). Because this world is not just sunshine and rainbows.

I am sorry, if I don’t bring too much humour in today’s writings. But every now and again, we need to evaluate what our purpose are, and how it affects those around us.

Next week, I will joke around again and mock myself a little bit more. Promise. But this week I ask of myself, as well as anyone reading this: What type of example are we going to set this week?