“If you choose to not deal with an issue, then you give up your right of control over the issue, and it will select the path of least resistance.” Susan Del Gatto

One of the most anticipated decisions in life is when a parent tell their toddler “no”, and you watch how the mechanics in their brain work as they are weighing their options. Should they, or shouldn’t they? The anticipation of their decision is over the moment when they decide to obey. More often than not, that same toddler decide to ignore their parents’ sound advice, and still choose to continue doing the exact same thing the parent warned them against not doing. And very un-ironically – the consequences are always the same and never desired.

We are faced with so many choices every single day of our lives. What to wear, what time to leave the house, what to take for lunch, what to make for dinner. Which discussions to have, what meetings to attend, what to schedule first. Some of these decisions are influenced by our moods, some of these options don’t feel like choices at all, and some of these choices are based on priority. Some decisions are so much part of our lives, that we don’t spend too much time thinking about it. Some choices are based on someone else’s decisions and we just end up going with the flow.

Something that has been a topic of conversation a lot lately, is on good and bad decisions. It’s very easy to spot someone else’s poor decisions. We can objectively analyse, based on past experiences on what will work and what wouldn’t work. Our own choices, though – eh…

Most decisions, unfortunately will only reveal their effectiveness over time

My previous mine struggled a lot with decisions that was made decades before. A decision, that at the time seemed good and saved a lot of money. The long-term effects however, cost so much more than that specific once-off one ever saved. Now, in this specific example – could they have known back then that what seemed like a good decision, would actually turn into a bad decision? Some would say no. There were some things, however, that was a clear indication that it might have challenging and damaging long term effects. The decisions, regrettably, were made and the people now responsible for that choice – are long gone.

We have to make daily decisions about small things. Occasionally, there are things that are more important, of more weight and possibly life changing. I spoke to someone at work this past week, that made the decision to leave his job, go back home, start his own thing and be a dad for his two boys. Financially it’s definitely a bit of a concern, but I have no doubt in my mind that it’s the right decision for him and his family. Guilt was not his drive.

So, how do we know if the decisions we make are good or bad? Or do we just wait it out? For me, there is a couple of things that can give guidance.

1. Have you made the same decision in the past, with circumstances not changing, but this time you are expecting a different outcome?

2. Is the choice based on holding on to the comfort of the past? The convenience, the road less stirred?

3. What is the intentions and motivation behind the decision you are making? Not all decisions made from good intentions are good decisions. Not all pure intentions have good outcomes

4. Will this decision improve the lives of the majority of the people involved? Or will it only create prolonged hurt, confusion and delusion to all impacted with no clear resolution?

5. Is the decision made from a place of high intensity emotions, and if the dust will settle – will you still make the same choice?

One of the most difficult things to do – is to watch other people make choices that has an impact on you as well. Regardless of whether it’s the right decision, or not – it’s a decision that’s been made and it’s not your choice. You have to stand back and accept the decision, even if it becomes abundantly clear that it’s not going to end up the way they thought it will – regardless the purity of intentions. You also have to remove yourself from the equation – without judgement or negative feelings. And even if you decide that – it’s something you must choose to do every day. You might understand the ‘why’s’ behind everything. You might even see clearly why the decision will only lead to more difficulties. But unless you actually find yourself in those exact circumstances – it will never be your decision to make. You never know what you would decide, should you be in their shoes.

Whatever choices come over your path – it’s your decision to make. When we make decisions on what other people expect from us – we will always struggle. Be extremely considerate on the decisions you make, but understand that it’s YOUR decision – or else you will live with other people’s regrets.

So, it’s a loaded piece of writing and while some decisions in life are difficult – not all are. Sometimes you have to decide between rump or sirloin steak. Both will be amazing. Sometimes you just have to decide to not over-think life – in the next few hours. Sometimes you can listen to the neighbour’s loud kids and decide – to enjoy their innocence and ignore the noise. Sometimes you can choose to play a drinking game, with the amount of times this blog has used the word choice or choose or decision.

Tonight, I choose to relax in my hammock, as the stars wink in the north. And I choose peace of mind – even if I have to make that decision a couple of times a day.

Happy choosing!