When I was about 6 years old, my brother received 2 walkie talkies as a Christmas present. It was a great present to share and it even had the military alphabet and Morse code displayed. Both of these – which to this day – I cannot remember. Except for whatever the “Alpha – Mike – Foxtrot”, from the A-Team spelled out. Which I will not repeat.

So, we’d run around in the complex we lived in and play our games and radioed each other. Until one day – we heard other voices. Voices not belonging to either myself or my brother. And the games became increasingly more interesting.

Turns out, our neighbours’ two grandsons got the exact same walkie talkies my brother did. And – it was all connected on the same frequency.

A whole new game was developed. More fun for my brother – because unfortunately the boys didn’t really want to play with ‘a’ girl. (And as I type this I literally had an epiphany for some unresolved issues – for which I will have to schedule a playdate with my brother now)

I digress – the way that communicating on two-way radio’s opened up different games for numerous people, is quite frankly amazing. Not only did it change the game, it also created friendships.

To me personally the creation of the phone is an amazing invention. Any form of instant communication, for that matter. I’m sure sliced bread is still regarded as a pretty decent invention, but to me Alexander Graham Bell set a pretty high standard for the way forward, to which sliced bread has already reached its limitations.

Communication is so important in any situation. We all played ‘telefoontjie’ in school and the end results can be absolutely terrible. But I think there is a life lesson that we somehow seem to still forget.

My mind has been occupied this weekend with an incident that happened a while ago. Please – let me overthink so that you don’t need to. Two people with two different perceptions and memories of one specific day. Neither one of these perceptions are wrong, but both parties forgot some things that lead to the full context of the situation being hidden; and ultimately lead to a specific outcome. And I cannot help but think – if only there was proper communication at some point. Would the outcome have been different? Water under the bridge now, of course – but never too late to learn.

People tend to think that communication is the ability to talk or share things openly. And yes – that is a part of proper communication. But I think that a lot of us think that communication is about me being able to bring across, what I think or feel. If I can share my feelings and emotions – that makes me a good communicator?

I don’t think that is entirely the case, though.

There are different types of information that can be shared. In a professional environment, depending on the situation – you need to keep people informed, without creating confusion or false scenarios. And even though we’d like to think of certain types of information as being sensitive – transparency is key. It’s when we feel that some information is hidden, or when what someone says and does, doesn’t match – that is when conspiracies start playing havoc. We can draw that string outside of work as well.

So, communication is not just a simple word, defining the ability to speak or share information. It involves two sides. Ever heard of the saying – communication is a two-way street? Well, I’m going to go off the rails here and not use that term. It makes no sense to me at all. Two people driving in opposite directions, with only a short period where they meet on mutual ground – still facing opposite directions – to me is exactly how I do not want to think of proper communication. Passers-by.

Communication to me is more like two people with a deliberate intent to meet on a hanging bridge. Both choosing to meet on slightly unsafe territory, but with amazing potential for great views.

We have said that women are better communicators than men, because we tend to say what we feel. Get it off our chests. But that is a monologue. A one-(wo)man show.

The definition of communication is exchanging information; sharing ideas and feelings. A dialogue. And that requires listening. Actually listening to understand, not with the intent to persuade.

Proper two-way radio etiquette works as follows: You have to wait for a break in the channel to voice your message. You have to address your message to someone specific. Then, to portray your message in a short and understandable manner. You have to stop talking at some point. The other person has to acknowledge that the message has been received (copy). And you have to wait for feedback or a response (standby). And based on that information – the next message will follow.

Contrary to whatever believes are out there – people are not mind readers. They can pick up on some behavioural changes or micro-expressions – but that can so easily open the door to wrong assumptions. And I get that it’s hard to communicate sometimes. We are scared that we might not receive the response that we are hoping for. But, what is the alternative? Miscommunication? Lack of sufficient information? Murky waters? Unresolved issues? Same old decisions to same old situations?

Sometimes we learn the best lessons as children. And somehow we forget, as we grow older.

I invite everyone to take those steps onto the hanging bridge. It might sway a bit and feel unstable. But at some point – the end goal will be for both parties to face the same direction, despite the path they came from – and just take in the majestic views – before deciding the direction they want to continue on, next.

Have a great hanging-bridge communicative week, friends!