Many years ago, I referenced Total Wipeout – a show where normal people go through some really funny challenges and no ego stays intact. I love this show for when my brain wants to go on a strike. One challenge is to cross from one side to the other with squishy gloves just punching you in the face or body from nowhere and you end up in a muddy swamp of dirt. Imagine – your goal is in front of you – you can see the end goal, you’re getting closer and then ‘bam’! punch in your face and you are transported to an instant muddy alter-universe.

I had a Total Wipeout of a week last week.

Friends, the first week of being 40, can only described as a go-cart, tied to a roller-coaster, with muddy water splashing in your face. Last week was the most upside-down week I think I have ever had. Up was down and wrong was right and right was a lie – and it was an utter asshole of a week. The blindsides (Note: plural) that happened over a timespan of 7 days was just mind-blowing. Emotions ranging from betrayal, disappointment, realisation of a two-year lie, hormonal imbalances – and this all just because I woke up too early and switched my coffee brand. Curses Douw Egbert’s! Curses!

Sometimes friends, we are completely blindsided by life or by people in our lives. I’ve watched someone willingly try to ruin someone else’s life – for no apparent reason, other than to justify their own actions. No communication of issues beforehand.  I’ve watched someone protect one person at the cost of another – treating their hurt as if it’s irrelevant. I’ve seen people using all kinds of manipulation tactics to get the attention they need. I have seen genuine laughter one moment and heart-breaking tears the next.

We are not protected from life’s blindsides. The question is though – how do you deal with it? Sometimes we want to lash out – we want the world to know that this is not fair. Or sometimes we need to withdraw into a corner, just to lick our wounds and allow the warmth and comfort to fix us. Sometimes the punches of disappointment render us speechless. Maybe we want to run away so badly, but we have nowhere to go. Sometimes the baggage is just too heavy.

So, the best advice I can give to anyone, when life blindsides you are the following:

1. You want to blame someone else. Maybe they are to blame, maybe you don’t know all the details, but blaming anyone else will keep the other person in control of your life. And that is no place for anyone else to be. (I struggle with this one)
2. Wishing the situation away and using anxiety as some sort of tool for this to happen – it ain’t happening. The sooner you accept certain situations, the better the road ahead.
3. People will not respond to the emergencies in your life at the level of haste you would like them to. Most people have their own things going on and they don’t realise the impact of their slow action. Don’t hold on to that discomfort or disappointment. Just make sure that whenever you are in the position to help someone else – you react appropriately and genuinely.
4. If someone is unwilling to communicate their issues – it is not your fault. I want to say this again – If my behaviour is something worth addressing – be an adult and address it. If they can’t, or won’t – expecting someone to read minds and holding someone accountable for your thoughts – its not at the forefront of growth. However – ensure that you communicate well, even if it’s upwards in the hierarchy. There is never just one side to a story.
5. A blindside comes hard and fast – it hurts and leaves you breathless. But the world will stabilise in due time. Step, by step. Day by day. Things will slowly get better.
6. Respect is not a given. It’s grown through actions and behaviour. The end. If your behaviour tells me you don’t respect me, your words are only empty fluff. We also don’t demand respect through intimidation and threats. Nor guilt-trips or fake flattery.
7. The best short-term cure for recovery is support, love and brownie-bites. Ten, to be exact.

Being blindsides is cruel and sudden. But as long as we strive to do the right thing – even when we are fooled or mislead. Even when we make mistakes. Even when we are held to a different standard.

We strive to do better today, than what we did yesterday – because even slow progress is progress. And when we pray at night – we pray for the clarity for us to have insight on ourselves – and protect us against the outside forces that does not have our best interests at heart.

What a past week, dear friends! I hope that whenever the blindside comes blasting into your lives – you remember what I say today – because, chances are – we won’t be able to avoid it. I did not handle it all too well. Couple of reasons, including decaf coffee… But I am adamant the we will deal with this the right way (eventually), not because of who we are, but because of Who loves us.😊

Have a lovely week!