“We’ve created a perfect world filled with delusions. Based on extremities. Joyously victorious; pitiful victim. Arrogantly confident; morbidly insecure. Vicious accuser of others; humble defender of own. Obsessive focus on wants; negligent dismissal of needs. Our delusion holds no place for in-betweens, no grace, no real understanding, nor compassion. We shifted reality away from the norm and into the spotlight we created, where reality becomes implausible. Like a long-forgotten speakeasy with faded photographs, silent echoes of a bent bugle – and a suffocating popularity of its romanticized nostalgia.” AM2020

People are not our enemies. Yes, we live in an evil world and there are evil things happening constantly. People doing horrible things to one another. Horrible things happening for no apparent reason. That is undeniable. But for the context of today, I am more focused on our immediate environment. Occurrences not based on the extremities of life.

People are not the enemy. The enemy is bigger than that.

My dad taught my brother and me, from a very young age to do introspection in all circumstances. When you find yourself in any situation, ask yourself what your contribution to the status quo was. Even if you do feel you are innocent or the ‘victim’ – always ask yourself the question: What was my part in this?

It’s a bit of a double-edged sword when you habitually do that. On the one hand, you will always find that even when you might not have entirely been at fault – you still made decisions that lead to a specific outcome. On the other hand, you learn to live a life knowing that your decisions are active – and if you don’t tread carefully – you might live in a constant state of guilt.

We tend to see people as the enemy, when things get personal. It’s easy to blame others for shitty situations we find ourselves in. We tend to treat the symptoms, not the cause, because it’s ‘lighter’ on our shoulders. If we blame others for circumstances, we can perpetually be in a mild state of victimhood. Then we don’t have to be too honest with ourselves. And it’s easier, because having to accept our own part in a situation where you feel that things are unfair is a heavy weight. We need to turn people into the enemy, because the alternative will be accountability – even if it’s just a little bit – and that can feel like a splash of icy water in your face.

But – I can only take responsibility for my own actions, the moment it was done – not for prior issues that did not involve me.

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, that if we always make the same choices we used to make – we will always get the same results. Our choices – not someone else’s. I think a lot of us live a groundhog life. Making the same decisions over and over again. We live in extremes and think in extremes. The in-between becomes forgotten. A friend used to say that things rarely end wrong, but almost always start out wrong. When we have to go way back to the start and admit our actions – our perception of the ‘now’ just might change.

Sure, there are people that if you see their faces or hear their names – it just bubbles up a bit on the inside. I think that has a lot to do with ourselves, though. I have learned more about my own bad habits and weakness, by recognising it in others and finding it extremely annoying. Imagine that 😉 I am most definitely not liked by everyone, just as I am also not overly fond of everyone around me. Yet – they are not my enemy. There is a whole spectrum of in-betweens: friend to foe. People think differently, we have different backgrounds. I might be totally wrong about something, but I will still not be your arch-nemesis.

What objective introspection also instilled in me – was understanding that we are all motivated by something deeply personal. Playing on others’ emotions, avoiding difficult conversations, selfish behaviour; is rarely out of malice. Understanding that, creates a level of empathy in all circumstances. I am not going to lie to you – I get extremely annoyed at times by this – to understand something directly in contrast with my own feelings or how I’m impacted. I do not always want to understand the other side. Sometimes I simply want to recognize the asshole or the ignorant and move on. I had a ‘here we go again’ moment (again) over the weekend. But whether I like it or not – I can feel empathy, because I do understand. Sometimes people really struggle to get out of the groundhog life. Just as I also understand when to take accountability for myself – and stick to it.

So, if other people are not your enemy – who is? We’ve all heard the saying – we are our own worst enemy. I have a saying, that we are the cause of our own misery. This is specifically in our way of thinking that influences our actions. However – we are also not our own enemy. And this is what I mean when we jump from one extreme type of thinking to the other. Do we sometimes think and do things that create some trials and tribulations in our own lives? Of course. Can all of those things be used as life experiences and insights for a better tomorrow, better choices? Yes – if we want to see it that way. If our type of thinking needs a scapegoat – jumping from either someone else or breaking ourselves down – we will never get off the seesaw and move away from our groundhog moments.

We acknowledge other people’s shortcomings, but should not hold it against them. We acknowledge our own, but learn from it without incessantly punishing ourselves. It’s very difficult to grow as human beings, when we are not fully transparent with ourselves.

I want everyone reading this to chew on these thoughts just a little bit. I’m pretty sure that as you read this, a couple of familiar faces popped up in your mind. Specific people that might trigger you on a regular or irregular basis. When you realise that they are not the enemy (or make that decision) – maybe then we can also accept our own shortcomings a bit easier. Acceptance, without guilt – because you shouldn’t be your own enemy. Life will become a little bit lighter and we don’t have to play-pretend to the rest of the world, as we grow and learn through the ups and downs of life.

I hope you have a lovely and enemy-free week!