The first time it ever happened, was when I was about grade 8-ish. In town – a proper Dorp, no mall. This blonde lady running up to my mom all excitedly asking only one question: How is Betty and Wykie doing? It happened a lot after that. And always the same. Now, it sounds nice – she was enquiring about people she knew years ago in a place a few hundred kilometers away. Except for one small little thing: she never, not once actually greeted my mom or enquired about my mom’s wellbeing – not even in the smallest of talks. Definitely didn’t acknowledge me. Rude woman was my thoughts then, and still is.

In a professional environment, I personally appreciate the “Hi, how are you’s’, to follow immediately with the request or the instruction. I don’t think a message about work needs to be a conversation of 4 messages with chit-chat before we get to the point. That’s just me.

But when we move into the private space – things are a little bit different.

We would like to think that the people we care about, also cares about us. Subconsciously and consciously it matters when your well-being matter to those, whose well-being matters to you. Small things that shows they care. And a one-sided anything can leave one empty and wanting. I think we all have done it at one stage or another – focused on ourselves for a period of time and packed-off on that person who listens attentively to your life stories. And because they listen – you just continue, without an awful lot of regard for what is going on in their lives at that specific moment. Or we just gave a bit less than what we needed. Sure, they will tell you when something is going on – eventually. Probably? But how often do we actually ask and show genuine interest? Do we use another person’s energy up, without putting anything back in?

I know that I have been on both sides of that spectrum, and finding myself a little bit on the listening side right now – I have thought of all the times that I was simply the talker. Sometimes we take the energy from other people and use it, but sometimes we also need to give back. Draining another person’s energy, to use it elsewhere will only – somewhere – leave an empty shell. And I can’t speak for everyone, but I hate the idea of being responsible for that.

I heard on a podcast how someone explained that there are two people worth having a conversation with at any event. The one, where you walk away and you think that you have spoken to the most interesting and knowledgeable person on the planet. And the other one where you walk away and you feel that you are the most interesting person. Now the last part I want to explain a bit – it’s not because all other conversations were boring. But because the person you were engaging with, showed a genuine interest in what you had to say and the conversation made you feel good about yourself.

Immediately after this, I thought back to occasions where I experienced both. I’ve had many conversations where I learned a lot about the experiences and knowledge of other people. But, the conversation I remember best, for someone being interested in my life – was on a Friday night in Hermanus. It was a private wine tasting and I was horribly rotten with a cold. My eyes were watery, my nose was red. (Again – a large nose does not get more becoming by a shade of scarlet) I sneezed and sniffled and I felt that I had nothing to give. Mostly due to the fact that I couldn’t smell a thing at a wine tasting (we taste with our noses as well). But I also didn’t feel well or looked particularly good.

It did not matter – I was shown a genuine and heartfelt interest that I appreciate to this day. Not even my own mom can hide her boredom when I start talking about my job. Yet here was an interest in all aspects of me as a person, what I did and how I viewed things.

And I also know, that we take for granted those people that listen to us, without us asking about them. It’s mostly the people closest to us. The people we can be comfortable with. But I think – that’s what hurts just a little bit more. I know I have on occasion jumped into phone conversations with friends and my parents. Just rambling off about me and my day. Not considering the fact that they have lives too. And I’ve also been in the position where I experienced the same from others.

So, this week I am fondly remembering conversations where someone brought something interesting to the table. I enjoy those conversations, where you sit and listen to things they are passionate about. But I also remember the conversations where I felt good and interesting.

I want to give that to someone else. For someone to leave my conversation, not feeling wanting and not heard. Because sometimes, the most important person in your life right now – is the person in front of you at that very moment.  And you don’t know what someone you care about is going through, unless you have a mutual conversation. It might be car tire sensor issues; family drama; a big operation; a new puppy; some health scare; the loss of a loved one and how they cope with it – or just the general fears that come with ageing.

I would like to set the same challenge to all of you, this week. Just a genuine interest in those people in front of you – at any given moment. A little dash of energy output, even if you are not getting it back straight away. Not because they deserve it, but because your positive energy deserves to be shared. And if you feel a bit wanting on that positive energy – we’ll try again tomorrow.😊

Have a lovely week!