Today I am going to shortly talk about The Brassiere. I do not particularly want to talk about this ‘oh-so’ feminine product on a public platform, but because I have been on a quest for the perfect brassiere, pretty much my whole life, as well as an increased pursuit for the last couple of months – I would like to literally joke about its support and figuratively share my insight on being supportive. So, bra-talk it is.

For those few people who were unaware – all women have worn a bra at some point in their lives. Most of us do it daily, some of us do it occasionally, but all of us are familiar with the concept. We also wear it to achieve different objectives, whether it’s for support, comfort, to improve posture, social norms, gravity, push-up – and because it’s so pretty.

 My personal opinion on the brassiere, is that it’s an investment. The right fit and shape is of the utmost importance and buying the cheapest, ugliest one when you are over a certain age – is just not something I want to entertain. In fact, based on this specific conversation many years ago with an older female and some males, I was horrified when the unreserved and slightly intoxicated woman exposed her bra in her own mission to prove that a bra is merely a bra. It was in fact not just a bra, but a highly supportive, senior approved one. All the comfort, none of the aesthetics. And I will have none of that.

Now, I have been on a quest the last couple of months in search of supportive in the adjustment, comfortable, pretty and honestly just fitting in this specific undergarment. And it has been a bit consuming. So of course – with ‘support’ being so upfront and personal in my frontal cortex – I have also pondered the deeper meaning of support and being supportive.

Has anyone ever tell you that they ‘support’ you, but you have been left wanting?

Hmmm… I have a bit of a theory on that…

See, I have concluded, that we don’t truly understand what support means. Support is not something we require a skill for. It’s what someone else need at a specific moment, and we can supply it. Yet, sometimes we are never willing to support more than what we are comfortable to give at any given time.

My apologies – I am sure that I am being a bit confusing right now, because ‘being supportive’ and sharing our support is something we all do regularly, isn’t it? We’ve all done it, surely, we know how to be supportive?

So, for clarity sake, I would like to share the true meaning of being supportive. It’s stepping out of your own comfort zone and being present in someone else’s experience…

Now it changes the scenario somewhat, doesn’t it? That ‘other’ experience and not my own capabilities.

Something that I tend to, is relating to other people’s stories. My empathy is great, but I do then share my own experience, while we are talking about someone else’s experience. The intent behind it, of course is for them to come to certain insights. To move on from this particular point of view and see another perspective. However – sometimes people need to stay a little bit stuck as they try to make sense of certain situations of their own. Support is not about fixing, it’s about accompanying.

Some people cannot offer support to people going through a rough patch, when they are in a good space – because they do not want that to impact them. Is it selfish – yes. Also not healthy. But at least you know where support will not come from, and you learn to adapt.😊 And I do think that if someone isn’t willing to share someone else’s experience, as well as their own: they have a right to that prerogative. But at some point, everyone needs support and it will become very lonely when you need support, but everyone has learned to adapt around you. And even if the argument is that we feel we can’t deal with something right now – I have learned that helping someone else, tend to make your own issues feel better as well.

The way that we offer support is also not the same. It’s not a blanket approach or a one size fits all. Brassiere, remember… If something is compiled of numbers and alphabet letters – you know it’s not that simple.

Now, approach all of the following, not from a ‘me’ point of view, but a: ‘what does someone else need’, perspective:

• Emotional: Listening, hearing, acknowledging someone’s feelings – just being present

• Practical: Running errands, helping in the garden, cooking a meal – what they need from you

• Informational: Practical advice, basically. But!! Too many of us focus on this one specifically. This one is tricky, because we must be careful with our unsolicited advice on situations we can only partially relate to. And then get upset if someone isn’t doing what we advice them on.

• Affirmational: Reminding someone that they are special and of value. Celebrating small joys

• Reflective: Asking insightful questions to guide them to their own clarity

• Silent or Spiritual: Being calm and grounding. And simply reminding them that they are being thought of.

Supportive is not about wanting to be the hero in someone else’s story. It’s also not about what you’re own abilities. Support is a two way street and sometimes we get what we put into it, other times we are left wanting. And it’s something we all need at some point. Growth only comes when you realise this: It’s simply sharing in each others’ experiences and being present. Therefor, support also does not indulge in our own personal frustrations.

I do tend to jump into problem solving mode and want to fix everything. But sometimes, just sometimes; we need to ask: What do you need from me today. And then give support on someone else’s level of need.

Because if my brassiere had the ability to speak to me – I knew exactly what I would like for it to answer instead of me spending a crap load of money on trials and tribulations and a drawer full of ‘almost, but not quite’. ‘How can I support you in what you need?’

Have a lovely ‘supporting’ week, friends! If you don’t feel you can handle someone else’s issues, at the very least it will help you take your mind off of yourself.😊 (P.S. Any volunteers for bra-less Friday’s? Nope? Nope…)