I am not a strong person. Example A – I used 4 spray-cans of stain-guard over my new couch this past weekend and my right hand was just rubbery after that. It was all numb and weak and I had to wriggle to lift my water-bottle.

To be honest, I am still slightly sore in my front arm. The right arm, because my left arm can’t even operate a spray-can. Where are all those ambidextrous people?

The fact that I don’t even know what those muscles are called, is not an indication that I never had biology (I didn’t), but simply because I don’t care. I don’t lift too heavy stuff. I was stuck on my stairs with my other couch trying to move it, before I begged for help. I’m a walker. I do yoga and circuits in my house occasionally (admittedly not as often as I should). I fall up the stairs and run down it a lot (yes, you read that correctly). But I am not a physically strong person.

I mentioned this before, but when my niece struggles with something, I’ll tell her that she is a strong and independent woman. Partially because she repeats everything after me, but also as a motivation to her that she does have the ability to do things. My brother would jokingly remind her that she does not have a job, her own living quarters and – well, she is only 6 (almost 7) and tiny.

It’s true – she is neither strong nor independent and she is merely a little girl with loads of potential.

Women like to encourage other women by saying that they are strong. Telling them, that they will be okay and some reference to queen. It became some sort of encouraging and motivational mantra.

And I absolutely hate it.

When someone tells me that I am strong, I sometimes find it to be a little insincere and merely fluff to fill the empty space. They don’t know… When people are going through a tough time, whether it’s through the loss of a loved one, financial difficulties, breaking of trust, work-related struggles – we tell them that they are strong. Or that the situation will make them stronger.

What does it mean to be strong, though? Why do we need to get stronger? Where are you going to end up with this immense strength?

Iron is a strong material. “Yster.” We use it as reference to when someone can deal with a lot, take a lot of hardship, survive a lot. It’s normally a tongue in cheek references, because – let’s be honest – most of us are cotton balls.

Some things are really hard to do when our recent decisions, or decisions from our past catches up with us. The difficult conversations that you have been avoiding for a long time, the acceptance of reality, admitting that you were wrong. It fights your flesh – you do not want to do it. And when something pops up – you so quickly let go of what you know you should do – because to avoid things is so much easier.

Or even worse – when truly horrible things happen to people, not because of decisions, but when tragedy struck.

You don’t care to be strong. You don’t care for anything except the unanswered questions that runs through your mind. Strength means nothing to you, when you feel broken, lost and confused.

No, we don’t want to be strong, or stronger – we want to be happy. We want the people we care about to be happy. But because life consists of these waves of ups and downs. We have to go through things. All of us. Other people can’t protect you from it. And we need to find small joys in the midst of it – however small – to keep on moving.

The bigger picture is not always visible. We will never be able to fully understand why a parent will lose a child; why some people went through traumatic experiences; why some children are born with lasting obstacles or why there are so many bad things happening to people. We cannot understand why our cages are rattled and shaken. But some things we do not need to understand right now – even when we want to. Believe me when I tell you – for my brain – that is the most difficult thing – to not try and make sense of everything.

Resilience, courage, honesty, compassion, humility, acceptance, peace, small joys, big laughter, to be present in the moment, prayer, gratefulness for what you have – all of these are daily steps to get through things. Not around it. Some days you use many of these steps, other days only one. But as long as these steps are taken – you are moving forward.

I have ordered 4 more stain-guard spray-cans and I will probably have another rubber hand. But it will be worth it the moment I spill a bit of red wine on the couch. (Okay – maybe not the best example, but ‘eh’).

I will continue to tell my niece to that she is a strong and independent woman. One day she will know exactly what it means (in this specific metaphor).

Independence sometimes just mean your joy is not dependent on what you have in life or on other people to make you happy – but your attitude. Strength is not to be unbendable, unbreakable or unmovable – to me it means to be vulnerable, genuine, joyful, honest, helpful and insightful.

You have all of those tools around you, ready to be used. Sometimes us cotton-balls just simply need to remind each other that there are available steps to take every day and that we are not alone – even if it feels that way.

Happy cotton-balling friends!