I used to have this saying: Everything that takes away from my peace of mind, is something that I don’t want near me. The problem is – more often than not – it’s me getting in my own way. And when I say me – please take note that I actually mean us / we / you. (too😊)

Our choices, actions, reactions, lack of proper communication, lack of empathy, self-entitlement, sense of control, selfish behaviour, self-pity, self-indulgence – this list can go on and on and on.

And it’s not exactly like you can get away from yourself. In fact – for a lot of these negative actions and thoughts, we are not even aware that it’s even creeping up on us. What we think all of the above-mentioned things look like – we might possibly not even recognise in our own behaviour. Because we think we know our motives and intentions and we think it’s clear to everyone.

Or, we are so caught up in ourselves and our perceived issues; that we can’t fully distinguish when something is happening to someone else. Maybe we take every single situation and find ways it affects us. Or maybe, just maybe – we’ve been playing circus master for too long. Been trying to control specific narratives for too long, and when it catches up with us – we are not quite ready to take ownership.

None of the attitudes above makes us horrible people. It simply makes us human. Fallible. And the cause of our own misery…

But I do not for one bit want to focus on misery today. Self-caused, or overindulged. Because today I want to take a moment and simply focus on our interpretation of gratitude.

Many years ago, I had a couple of friends come over for my birthday. It was such a great weekend, but I chose to focus on some of the people that did not come. I had a lovely pity-party – influenced by some alcoholic beverages. Sigh. It was my one friend that called me out that weekend. Unfortunately, the insight for me only came years after. Instead of focusing on who was there, the effort that they made – I was just behaving like a spoilt brat.

I recognise a lot of that behaviour in my niece and nephew and other children all the time. But, they’re kids, they still need guidance on how to handle hearing ‘no’. How to handle not getting what they want. And how to not let every ‘no’ in life feels like it’s the end of the world, but merely a change in direction or pace.

So, what exactly is gratitude? We tend to think of it as a feeling. And if we don’t feel grateful, then we don’t have to be. Because our whole life is based on how we feel?

Gratefulness is not a feeling though. It can be eventually, but that is not where you start. Gratitude is a choice. It’s a choice you make every single day when you open your eyes and every night when you close them again. Not to fake through the problems and challenges that crosses your path; or isolate yourself during bumpy roads – because if we are honest – everyone’s’ got those.

But for the small things that you have, that you get, your skills, your talent, the people that support you, the lessons you learn, the boo-boo’s you can laugh about. Even climbing into bed after a crappy day.

So, what does a decision on gratitude look like? It might look like this:

Today I am grateful for an imperfect life. For knowing that I can learn from my mistakes, that I am willing to take accountability for my decisions. Today I am grateful that because of Grace, I don’t have to allow bad circumstances to define me, or hold me under that waterline. I don’t have to stay stuck in the mud by my own choosing. For learning that a positive attitude is not to lie to yourself or others; but acknowledge when something sucks, but know that good will come out of the situation when the time is right – not when you decide so.

It’s to realise that the small things people do for you when they love you is not a requirement, but an absolute blessing. To appreciate the people that put in the tiniest of effort with you. And to want to be a small blessing wherever you go – in your own way.

It’s waking up each day, smiling about the small things. And not expect everyone around you to make you smile or adjust to you.

The alternative? The spiral to constant dissatisfaction? The roadmap to stay stuck in disappointment and self-pity? That is very simple: Waking up every morning with yourself on your mind and what you don’t have. And then telling everyone around you that they don’t understand. Oh, boy have I done that…😊

I still want to have my peace of mind at all cost. In the midst of challenging situations, in the midst of hearing ‘no’. In the midst of new chapters; in the midst of my own sabotage; or in the midst of projecting my own issues onto others. But I really don’t think I will ever get true peace of mind, if I only focus on myself and how everything in life is negatively impacting me. And believe me – I speak from experience.

Peace of mind is not a smooth sailing sea – it’s a stable boat with the right guidance and navigation system. Learnings from past mistakes. And a piece of sunshine on our faces.

Have a lovely gratitude-filled week. Even if it’s for the smallest of joys! (Remember – it’s still your choice every day)