I almost died yesterday. No jokes. Death by warthog. Maybe my statement is a bit over dramatic. I couldn’t find proper statistics of warthog deaths, but I was very close to an angry mama-bear’s tusks. As were my femoral vein. See, I always walk from my office downwards to the gate. It’s just over a kilometer. And yesterday 67 Ansonia-steps from the road I needed to cross to start my descension on the pathway, and 43 Ansonia-steps from the bus-stop a mother warthog and her babies were feeding underneath a cone they overturned. It’s very dry and the food is scarce on site.

As I approached loudly, my flat boots rhythmically soldiering my approach, the piglets scattered and mama-bear stood solidly. My expectation was for her to move. My expectation was wrong. When you need to provide for your babies – compromise is little. So, we stood for an eternity (or at most 10 seconds) looking at each other. Intense eye contact. Before I made the safe decision, that today it’s best to retreat backwards. And even then – she stumped her heely toes and snorted aggressively at me. Her enormous tusks dangerously quivering.

This mama-bear had no intention of backing down for me.  I have no doubt in my mind that if I would have moved forward – she would have stormed me.

And as I took the long road, I met up with a male figure – who I kindly warned against pig and piglets. Of course, he laughed at me and asked if I am scared of a warthog. Why, yes. Yes, I am. That is not what I meant when I said in school I wanted to die in a swordfight. I am quite frankly very scared of all things that want to cause me harm whether it’s deliberate or accidental. The arrogant man continued on his pathway approach and because I did not hear deathly hallows from him as I continued my descend – I assumed that he was successful and our paths were just different that day.

And all of our paths in life are different.

Yesterday I needed to stop and walk away. Where I realized that the challenge in front of me was a bit too big. Above my skillset. Not that I am in the habit of challenging a wild animal. Figuratively of course. But sometimes you need to fight, defend yourself. Even explain yourself a little bit. And other days you need to step back. Keep quiet. Because no amount of explaining will convince someone of something that they do not wish to hear.

I suppose I will always consciously or subconsciously seek for a level of justice. Try to keep the balance.

We like balances in life. Inputs equals output. Effort versus rewards. Our brains naturally want to balance life’s metaphorical books.

But the efforts aren’t always the same. Some cruise through life with minimal effort, minimal input. And voices are not less loud, simply because of minimal input. Sometimes the less is done, the louder the voice. Opinions and criticism are not necessarily input based. In other words, it’s not based on how much you do or how much you invest. Talk is very cheap. Any less effort than words, is simply no effort at all. I cannot emphasize it enough. I call it word salad. Oh – it seems so pretty. Appeals to a sense of glittery and dangly. But it contains little to no substance. Non-meeting meetings. Where so much is said, yet you’re left slightly confused with no action plan. Or when you hear all the right words, but the picture stays the same.

One of the hardest things I had to ever do, was to match my actions with my words. Odd, I know. When I had to do something where someone else benefited, but I did not. When what I said I would do, became a reality. To match your perfect word salad with actions is very difficult. That is why a lot of people just decorate with niceties, but when the need for action is there – everything falls a little bit flat. Because knowing what to say is a performance and doing what you said you will, is actual effort and takes a bit from you. And it feels like you are bent and shaped to be forced into a small box. Yet – you do it. Because you said you would. And integrity is more than just a salad.

We tend to live in the hypocriticals of life. The double standards. And I don’t think it’s a big malicious plan that creates that. I just simply think that there is not always a connect with how we see ourselves, how we want others to see us and how we actually are. We convince ourselves either that we are the same or that we are different. Both statements are true and false at different times. But our inputs and outputs are different. Our paths are different. The willingness for change are different. Our willingness to sacrifice.

Yesterday I was forced to walk the longer route. Sometimes you are forced, sometimes it’s your own choices. And sometimes you need to walk the longer route. Sometimes you need to walk away completely. I tend to be a bit more respectful of animals. Mostly because our expectation is that they are wilder and faster and more unpredictable. You’d think? 😊

I almost died yesterday. But instead – I just kept quiet and turned around. It did not in fact kill me. Hopefully in the future – I’ll become better at not trying to explain myself to the warthogs of life.

Have a lovely day friends!