I have never been cool. Not once. Not when I started wearing glasses at 10 years old. And not when I stood up in front of all the gr. 8’s and said I wanted to become president. Also not on our Matric holiday when I asked the guests to leave, because it was late. Definitely not at university when I had my green sateen sweatpants. Not in my 30’s when I wore 8 layers to protect against the cold. And most definitely not when my bedtime was at 20:00 to wake up at 02:45. Decidedly not when I went through my radical honesty phase.

I’m sure there’s a lot more of ‘not cool’ moments that I can’t particularly remember, but if you know me for long enough – I’m sure you can remind me of a couple more.

The definition of cool to me is somewhat of a mystery. But I suppose it’s someone on trend, unassuming and popular. A conformist and mainstream person.

I am not cool. And not in the ‘uncool’ sense that somehow also is cool. Nope – in the very unidyllic not cool sense.
The lack of coolness came with one upside though – I mostly didn’t care about peer pressure. At least, not in a ‘cool’ sense.

There’s a mental test to determine whether someone is suggestible.  Easily influenced. You walk into a room with 3 people ahead of you each one sitting in a chair. Every couple of minutes, a bell rings and everyone else stands up. What will you do?
Most people will be confused, but will also stand up eventually. Unbeknownst to you – everyone else will be actors. But as they leave and new non-actors come in, there will be a point where everyone in that room will stand up with the ring of the bell – without knowing why.

And I understand  – most people reading this will 100% think: Not me. Of course not, because if you know that you’re being tricked – you’re less inclined. But the denial of even the possibility of being severely influenced is already a red flag. Because the easiest to influence – is the ignorant.

Because whether you have a strong personality or not; whether you are a unique (like everyone else) some things in us will make us easily influenced. Things like emotional vulnerability; high empathy; isolation; low support systems; fear and insecurity. Of course – those who think they’re not suggestible – probably never experienced any one of these. 😉

Truth be told, influence are everywhere. There are regular suggestions all around us. We all have our own niche. Status, popularity etc. We want to be accepted by the people we choose to accept and understand.

Here’s the thing – if we do not fully accept ourselves. As we are. We are going to be thrown about by the ebbs and flows of life. A paper in the wind. And it will drain you. You will always be on edge.

Once you know and accept yourself – it becomes easier to know who the good influence are. It makes you less suggestible. Now, you’ll have your moments of insanity brought on by those vulnerabilities and fears – but the better the acceptance of yourself, the shorter the impact.

That also means you need to accept what you are not. I can imagine some people’s relief to no longer be tired from all the pretending and uncertainty. It can also be a bit of a punch in the stomach. To realise some of your behaviours don’t line up with how you want to be or see yourself. But we don’t have to stay stuck.

I’m Ansonia, and I’m decidedly not cool. But on my good days. My Trusting days. I can be pretty darn chilled. And maybe on the best of days even a little toasty. 😜

Have a lovely week, friends!