Many moons ago, an acquaintance of an acquaintance was going through a bit of a difficult situation. She needed a bit of an objective perspective on a specific incident where she asked me for my opinion on the possible outcome.  My ‘opinion’ was simple: would a reasonable person have acted in a similar fashion in this very same scenario? The answer, was a definite no.

I regularly ask myself, what the response of another person would be, if the they were wearing my metaphorical shoes. Now, a reasonable person is not a super human. It’s not someone with no emotions or someone that does not get angry or upset. It’s not someone that is a robot or a perfect human being.

In fact – a reasonable human being is the definition of an average person. Average objectivity, average skilled and very much ordinary. The guideline of becoming an unreasonable person, would be whether their reaction or actions are on the outlines of what we regard as ‘normal behaviour’. It is normal to get upset if someone hurts or insult you, but it is not normal to stab someone with a pen when you are upset.

So, the big things in life for me is pretty clear cut. However, I really do wonder sometimes how different people would react and behave in the same situations.

Last Wednesday I was driving back from Pretoria, after a bit of an emergency visit. As I was nearing home, there were some road closures ahead, but our side was wide open on ‘Go’. Things quickly took a turn for the worst, when apparently the opposite side was also on ‘Go’. So, I wondered afterwards (with my heart beating a bit faster than normal) – do the people at the ends, the workers – do they realise that their actions could have resulted in someone’s death or serious injury? An oversight or allowable face to face collision due to negligence? Do you drive on and ignore what just happened? Do you stop and talk to the gatekeepers at the other end, as they simply stare at you with a blank face?

How would any reasonable person react when you just survived a near-miss and there is a level of callousness about the issue?

I will tell you exactly what I did – I stopped where the road became 2 again, after narrowly missed colliding into 4 vehicles, and angrily told the lady that their careless behaviour could have killed someone. But the moment I realised that she didn’t care, nor were my words having an affect – I drove on.

What would anyone else have done, though? To those reading this, would you have driven away leaving the people behind you exposed, or would you have also said something? I am curious…

What would any reasonable person do in any other type of stressful situation?

How would someone start behaving, when they’ve been used for years, with nothing to show for it? What would happen inside someone emotionally, if they were pushed beyond their limits and not allowed to break? How would a child that’s been exposed to years of abuse, grow up and react to difficult situations as an adult? Would a reasonable person continuously avoid difficult conversations or accountability under the blanket of ‘leaving the past in the past? Is forgiveness sometimes used to enable someone else’s lack of accountability or manage a level of control over a situation? Moral high ground?

Would a reasonable person manipulate situations to benefit short term, while creating havoc long term? And become emotionally destabilised when things happen that they cannot control? Would a reasonable person continuously find themselves in the same damaging situations over and over again – expecting different results? Do reasonable people have certain expectations from other people and hypocritically excuse themselves from the same judgement? Does a reasonable person change their behaviour?

I think the biggest sign of someone unreasonable – is to be inflexible, unchangeable and inconsiderate. But that’s just my opinion.

I don’t know how people would react in similar situations that I have been in. I also don’t know how I would react if I was in situations other people experienced. But I do know, that I am in no position to loudly scream and yell from a place of safety and comfort, while looking at other people’s choices or circumstances – even when I feel like it.

Here is what I know about reasonable people. They sometimes react or behave unreasonably, but still within limits. Reasonable people are focused on improving and interested in introspection. They are open to feedback even if it’s not something they like in the moment. And can discern when the feedback is of ill-intent. They learn from their lessons and they know that their lives are interlinked with other people’s. Sometimes they blame others, but sometimes they are also willing to accept blame. They eventually understand that blame either way is not going to resolve anything.

I think most people are reasonable for the most part. We are all tested and trialed at certain points in our lives. How we react to it will be the test we get to take over and over again until we get it right.

I also know that the most reasonable people I know – are simply just considerate of other people and aware of their own impact. Not just when it suits them, or when they can look good in the eyes of other people. But in those small moments where integrity actually matters and no one will congratulate them.

So, my dearest friends, if we had a reasonable person scale – where would you be rating on it, on average?😊

Have a lovely week!