In school, creative writing was my thing. In both languages. I enjoyed it, looked forward to it and my approach to any essay has always been a bit storytelling, with a dash of artistic freedom and metaphors. It helped that I was decent enough at it. I have dedicated essays to Vincent van Gogh, was the voice for Joan of Arc, exposed my heart through the homeless orphan. Except – in Gr. 10, that one time when I got my English essay back with a substandard (for me) score. There was no red ink fixing my spelling or grammar. No question about the use of similes. Nope – the only comment from the teacher on there was simply: he didn’t understand it.

Now, what was I supposed to do with that critique? How would that help me to improve my writing in the future?

Ah – criticism. The intent of criticism is a comment or judgement on another person’s work, product or behaviour. Criticism has three types. Destructive (breaking down, personal and open-ended), constructive (with the intent to advice on improvements) and objective (based on data and facts). And this is all fancy and cute, but I think for the majority of us – critique has a somewhat negative connotation.

My family, whom I love dearly and admire for all their amazing qualities – loving, caring, giving, insightful – can be quite critical. I include myself in this context. You do not prepare food for this family, without expecting a bucket filled with opinions. The people make good food, who knows, maybe all the critique positively contributed to it?

Whereas most people can quite freely offer up critique to other people, whether it’s harsh, with a smile, with good intentions, with selfish intentions – I honestly do not know a single person that will go: ‘Jey! I love critique!’

If the intent of criticism is to create a platform for improvement – why are we so resistant to it? Well, probably because we relate critique to fault-finding. Maybe, it’s because that is what we do ourselves. Again – motives!😉

There is a difference between saying: “don’t use so much balsamic vinegar in the salad”, vs. “you’re always so irrational”. One can be fixed and easily changed. The other one is dependent on someone’s specific taste buds. I’m joking😊. Clearly if you have negative personality traits (which we all do), it is extremely hard to just fix it. Bad habits based on past experiences play a role as well as genetics. We all pick up some bad habits and while the initial trait might start out as a coping mechanism, the continuous use can turn into something not very helpful. The process is hardly ever noticed, only the effect is seen.

Now, If I were to put myself on a platform and expose all of my traits – it will not take very long for anyone to find a lot of weaknesses. Fully exposed and imperfect to the bone. If you were to look for faults in anyone – you will find it. Human beings have so many amazing qualities, but they are also fallible – and very human. And our ability for finding weaknesses can be on point. We might be softer on the people we like and love, but sometimes we might also be harder on them – because our expectations are more.

We are living, walking blobs open for critique. If that is all you are focused on.

But, critique is not a bad thing. The main intent should be for improvement. We can bulldoze through life and miss things about ourselves that are very clear to others. And I would much rather get any form of criticism, than someone not invested in my improvement and hold my weaknesses silently against me. It’s not what you say, but how you say it and what the motives behind it are. Because to be completely honest – we have a bias in everything we do and it comes through in our criticism.

I received a bit of criticism over the weekend. Well, I receive a lot of criticism, regularly. But this was slightly different. It was something that I heard before, even though I was currently oblivious to it. Neither the intent nor the message was harsh. It made me stop in my tracks and looked at it objectively. It simply made me think and take it as constructive.

My Gr. 10 essay feedback did not benefit me at all. I had immense self-doubt in my abilities and no platform to improve on what I looked at as a failing. My Afrikaans teacher, however gave me some insights, which helped me to not hold onto that. But I needed a bit of guidance from someone objective.

We cannot escape criticism. However, I want to give a little bit of food for thought on both sides. Giving and receiving critique.

When we give critique, leave your own bias out of it as much as possible. And give it in such a manner, that the person will benefit from it. It can’t be open-ended with no resolution. Insults are not critique.

And when we receive critique, understand that it is biased. (Jip, bias is hard to get rid of) Look for the intent for improvement and if it’s actually beneficial for you. And if you can’t find it, or there is a hint of manipulation – let it go. If you do find it beneficial – use it and do not linger in upset.

Keep in mind that criticism is hard on the brain and soul. It should be supplied as a seasoning, not a main dish. And this, I need to remind myself of daily as well.

Have a lovely week!