In the olden days, for two boys to (light-heartedly) start a fight, the one boy would draw a line in the ground and challenge the other one to step over the line. Once the line has been crossed, the fight officially starts – no more go backsies.

The lines were pretty clear for me, growing up. I knew exactly what would bring me into trouble. I also knew which questions I shouldn’t even bother my dad with – because he would reroute me straight to my mom. We could never play them off against one another. My mom used to say that the most difficult thing as a parent was to stay consistent in your yes and no – even when you’re in a good mood. Which is very interesting…

As an adult, boundaries seem to be a bit like a moving train or a Ferris wheel, no longer grounded. And those boundaries seem to move mostly when you are in a good mood and it’s going well.

The problem comes in, when those wheels are turning again and you feel you need those boundaries back in place to stop the train from crashing. But it became quite blurry with all the movement.

So, why do we set boundaries in our lives? I’m not talking about ridiculousness or selfish entitlement. Or things you expect from others, with no intention of doing yourself. Being treated like a queen is not a boundary. You either have unrealistic expectations, or you’re a glass of wine away from a French revolution. Mutual respect on the other hand – that is a boundary. Honesty and transparency is a boundary. Consistency and decisiveness.

For children boundaries are necessary to give direction, create routine and start functioning in different environments in a secure manner.

For adults, boundaries are necessary to create stability and a sense of peace in the chaos of this world. Without boundaries – emotions are up and down constantly and it’s difficult to make good decisions based on that. Boundaries give direction no matter what age.

It is important to communicate our realistic boundaries. If the boundary is ignored, action needs to be taken. It should never be a threat or an ultimatum. That is just manipulative. But it should be a statement of clarity. And I completely understand that in lieu of a boundary being set and then crossed – we either have a sense of guilt once we walked away that might pull us back in, or it was simply an empty threat with no consequence planned. And we stay in the emotional up and downs. You can ignore, pretend that it’s not there – but that’s not changing anything.

 We tend to think of boundaries placed on other people, but the truth is – it’s for us. For our own sanity.

I have one specific boundary that I am severely struggling with. The lines have become so blurry that when I think of it – it might as well be green candy floss. It’s been moved around so many times that it’s pretty much an organism in its own right. And the emotional turmoil that comes with it runs between torture; pure joy; insecurity; understanding; anger and at times just nothingness. And it’s a boundary that I cross myself, as well. Sometimes I pretty much draw the line in the ground and then after some up and down hopping in one spot and the possibility of change – I floor right over that line. Because when it’s good – does the boundary actually matter anymore? Surely, what I don’t know won’t hurt me? Or the boundary moves, because the timing just ‘seems’ off or others’ difficulties take priority.

I want all of you reading this to think about your own boundaries (reasonable ones, of course😊) Have you also on occasion diminished your own boundaries when you were riding the high wave? Justified everything in moments of laughter and good times? The movement of our own boundaries is something I honestly feel we all can relate to. And then we get angry and frustrated with the consequences. Because nothing changes.

Setting boundaries and sticking to them is fundamental for our journey in life. And some might come easier than others. The lines of our boundaries moved, might feel okay or even come with instant gratification. But we all know – it creates long-term issues and it does in fact hurt and will continue to. And if we don’t know that already – we will in time.

So, wherever in your life, you feel like you need to set boundaries – think realistically about it. Again – we are not enforcers of our own will onto others. But also know – it keeps us stable and secure. Know when to walk away when your boundaries no longer matter. Because if nothing else – in due time (even though it doesn’t feel like it in the moment) – there will be a sense of peace and stability. Our boundaries shouldn’t be Fort Knox, but it does provide security from the turmoil.

As for my own heavy boundary of green candyfloss? Hmmmm… please feel free to remind me of this whenever you run into me.

Have a lovely and boundary-full week!