“We must become so alone, so utterly alone, that we withdraw into our innermost self. It is a way of bitter suffering. But then our solitude is overcome, we are no longer alone, for we find that our innermost self is the spirit, that is God, the indivisible. And suddenly we find ourselves in the midst of the world, yet undisturbed by its multiplicity, for our innermost soul we know ourselves to be one with all being.” Hermann Hesse

It’s a strange thing – isolation. Building a comfort zone, where you don’t allow anything or anyone into your ‘safe space’ that might disrupt your peace of mind. It is simultaneously soothing, and eerily dangerous. We live in a society where we talk about safe spaces – escapes from the unpleasant realities. We ignore the nagging feeling in our hearts and metaphorically put our heads into the ground – hoping that problems will go away. That our circumstances will change. Or even worse – play pretending at life. A performance for the world to see: ‘I am happy, I’m having fun.’

But we go home at night, clean our faces – and we’re faced with reality – whether we want to or not.

Now – If my first paragraph did not scare you off already – welcome to the good news.

There is no growth in the comfort zone, no insight in a life not challenged; and most certainly no wisdom gained.

A few years ago, I packed my bags into Griet Bubble, drove almost 7 hours to a place I have never been before; to a guest house I had no I idea what it looked like; to a job I felt 100% unqualified for. I left my cat behind (only for 2 months – BKK has been a Limpopian for almost 3 years now), my family, my friends and sometimes (I think) – my sanity. But most importantly – my comfort zone. I quickly learned that there are very few things that I had control over, so I re-built a comfort zone. I, of course didn’t realise it back then, but in my effort to protect myself from, well, EVERYTHING – I lost my ability to grace through challenges. In the beginning there wasn’t too many, but as it built up – I felt like every small thing, seemed so much bigger than what it actually was. Rationally, I knew it wasn’t the end of the world. But I FELT like running away and hiding.

For a short moment I got the most amazing distraction – a breath of fresh air. But then the initial challenges quadrupled. My world was constantly shaken, not stirred. I was a damn James Bond Martini. And I tried to protect what I had. What little I had, but it all came to a halt.

I can proudly say – that in the year 2023 – a lot of opportunities that I didn’t know I even wanted came across my path – and I worked hard to get it. And out of those opportunities – work wise, personal life – I got nothing. Jip – I literally didn’t get a single thing I wanted. Nothing. My worst fear came true. My comfort zone was shattered. I have reached levels of insecurity I had not known since High School.

And I was forced into months of solitude and extreme loneliness – with only my own brutal thoughts and the reality of being collateral damage in others peoples’ stories.

I am not sharing this for any other reason than the following: It was in the moments of forced loneliness that I grew most. It was in the moments where I had no outside influences, that I could face my demons. Became disillusioned about myself. It was the slobbering mess on my really pretty kitchen carpet. And the one in my lounge. It was the screams in my pillow (then quickly stopped – because it’s not good to breathe in feathers).It was the dead silence for months on end. It was the copious amount of beer cans in my dustbin – one horrible Sunday. And it was facing myself about things that I avoided for years.

It was knowing that you cannot put your happiness on any one thing or person – what a heavy weight for them to carry, but that you ALWAYS have the small joys that can make you smile. It’s knowing that I am a: Rip the band-Aid off, Freddy! – type of person, instead of a ‘laying in bed listening to the tap dripping, kind of torture”. It is in understanding that you and you alone is accountable for your life and your choices.

I didn’t get off that pretty blue carpet by myself. (Or the beige one) I had Help. I didn’t come to insights when I wanted to – it came at times when I stopped focusing on myself. I stopped relying on myself and I put my trust Elsewhere. Not because I wanted to, but because I had nowhere else to go.

Your story is not mine. In your life you might go through different and more difficult challenges, than mine. One of my biggest fears has always been stagnation. But my comfort zone created exactly that. So all I want to share tonight is the following: Get up and try each day. When you feel you don’t have energy – get up. When you feel you don’t know what to do – get up and do something for someone else. When you feel betrayed and hurt – get up and let that go. Hurt people, hurt people. When you feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start – get up and wash your face. When you feel that today was a failure – go to bed, let it go and in the morning (you know what I’m about to say) – get up and try again.

Everyday is a new start. I hope we all can approach each new day, like we approached a new school year in primary school. Filled with hope, excitement and joy – even if you know there are challenges waiting for you. If you fail today – as long as you wake up – get up and try again. And as isolated as it sometimes feels – you are not alone.

Happy trying my old friends!